A Monkey Girl's Existential Drama

It's a brand new school year...and new school...

2011-11-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

Good Morning all my little Monkey Girl followers!!

To say I've been remiss in posting/blogging would be a vast understatement...to say the least.
Much has happened and much is happening...so here's the deal for now.

We had a glorious summer up here in the Northwest. I'm not sure we hit a single day over 80 degrees, which for me is bliss. For my tomatoes, and other a sundry veggies, not so much.

If you weren't aware of our current bullying situation *read posts below* our last school year was gut wrenching.

We immediately pulled her out of school just six weeks shy of the end of her school year.
The bullying had been ongoing and the school, teachers, school counselor, district...etc...were useless and in my opinion more than happy to see us leave. *sigh*

I reluctantly home schooled her the remaining six weeks (and thru and summer, sort of). I say reluctantly because I had done the same with my oldest when she'd gone through something similar...except it was the teacher that was the bully. ***please read today's news story****

Anyhoo....

My tween Monkey is going to a new school and doing fabulous!!

They really DO have a zero tolerance policy on bullying and take pro-active steps to prevent it.

It's amazing how prolific bullying really is, today's news story quoted that only 2-3% of teachers bully***this figure is supposed to calm us??***, I'm certain the actual numbers are much much higher. If teachers are bullying too, lord help our children.

So, with a new school and a summer's worth of excellent therapy, she's regaining herself, her balance and her sense of humour.

So with great pride I can tell you that when a girl at the new school told her to, 'fuck off', my Monkey said she took it in stride and told her she needed to be more original and grow a pair. She really is my daughter.

My oldest is applying to every college that is quote, "as far away from here as possible!!".
Ain't she sweet?

I certainly felt the same way when I was her age (of course, I had good reason). I keep telling her she's got nothing to complain about, she couldn't possibly have a better mother...but that my job was to prepare her for the real world and then kick her ass out at 18.
She didn't laugh as hard as the Hubby did at that comment.

The good news is I'm in full blown menopause!! Yippee!!

So between the babesia symptoms and my hot flashes, my core temp is at a steady 100.3F.
(yes, I'm still in Lyme treatment...ugh...)

As you can imagine, I have a fan on me 24/7, drinking ice water and currently keeping the house at a cool 60F which is really pissing off the family.

Saves on the energy bills and explains why I remember freezing as a teenager when my Mother went thru it.

Full circle.

and she's only 12...

2011-06-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Here's a tidbit from my youngest's conversation w/Gram (my Mom) this morning...

'and then I'm going to get a Chinese dragon tattoo down my left arm...'

I could literally hear the gasp all the way from California.

best laugh I've had in quite awhile...

12 going on 24, that's my kid.

Ugh...parenting 21st century style sucks...

2011-05-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm finding that the only time I want to post, is when I need to bitch about something.

This is what happened this week(in no particular order):

My oldest announced that she doesn't think she wants to go to college
She'd rather go backpacking in Europe on our dime...insert laughter here
My youngest has turned into a whiny 2 years overnight...puberty?
Oldest is failing English class, but says it's not her fault...insert more laughter
Oldest has her first official boyfriend...ugh...groan...
Youngest was at friend's house yesterday chatting with a pedophile online...wtf?
Obviously no parental supervision at said friend's house...another wtf?
My oldest told me she wants to go on the pill...holy shit...really?
Said fucking pedophile posts a pic of his penis to my youngest...insert me crying
I make out report to local sheriff's department
I call friend's mother to get her up to date w/what is happening in HER home
Friend's mother burst out crying and hangs up on me

It's only Saturday morning and I'm so tired.
I've lost my voice from talking so much this week with my children.
I haven't cried this much in quite some time, I'm exhausted.

The only positive thing I can grasp at this week, is that my children come and talk to me. My youngest Monkey came straight home to tell me what happened...and my oldest Monkey came to me about making an appointment for her with my OB/GYN.

Ugh...parenting sucks a lot of the time.

Thank god I believe in therapy, cause I couldn't do this by myself.

Dealing with school yard bullies...

2011-03-24T17:05:00.001-07:00

So I need some sisterly advice.

My youngest Monkey is being bullied by twin girls at her school.
One twin is in her class, the other in the class next door.

Now when I say bullied, I mean these girls (6th grade) tell my Monkey that they hate her clothes, hair, shoes, what she says, even how she walks. It's a never ending list of dislikes.

It's abuse really.

Now I've talked with the girls' Grandmother and haven't gotten a lot of help (i.e. none) in that department. Their situation is bad (Grandparents have recently been given custody) and it's obvious to me that these girls will have problems the rest of their lives. I can feel sorry for them, but that's where my feelings end for these girls. Plain and simple they are bullies, who get off on making other kids (mine isn't the only one) feel like shit.

Now my oldest never really had a problem like this, so I'm at a loss.

Here's what I've done so far:

told her to ignore the girls
told her to talk w/her teacher
talked w/her about what it is to be a 'real' friend
talked w/her about what constitutes abusive behavior

In addition, I've been having her see a therapist and I finally made an appointment to discuss the ongoing problem w/the school administration. I will tell you that the school already has a reputation of not wanting to deal with shit like this.

At this point, I now have a 6th grader who no longer wants to attend school. Which breaks my heart. She's always worn her heart on her sleeve and is a prime target for these kind of girls.

I've watched my once confident 12 year old, lose all sense of herself.

I'm at a loss here Ladies.
How can I make this better? How can I help her help herself?

Oh, and some background on her teacher. He's a male teacher (her first) and while he's fun and goofy, he is completely ignorant of any 'girl' problems in his class.

Thank you for any suggestions.

So which came first?

2011-03-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

The depressing year or my depression?

Wow, that's even hard for me to write let alone say.
But I finally did to my husband last night after more than a few hours of crying. It's not like he didn't already know, but it's not something we ever talked about.

I probably wouldn't have been able to admit it to myself yet anyway, even if we had.

It's not surprising I'd be depressed.
My husband has been working near the Canadian border now for almost a year. He commutes on Monday mornings to work and then stays in a tiny studio Monday thru Thursday and then commutes home Thursday afternoon to spend three day weekends with us.

Sure, it could be worse. I often think about the military wives whose husbands have been overseas for months/years at a time. At least I see my husband every week and talk and text him several times a day.

But I didn't sign up to take care of two arguing teenage girls all by myself Mon-Thur. Two Daddy's girls who now call Dad behind my back to settle arguments or ask permission for activities they already know I'd say no to. Once again karma kicking me in the ass.

I was such a Daddy's girl, I'd have done the same thing. I probably even did.

And just around the same time last year, my best friend of 16+ years betrayed me in such a way that it's made me question every aspect of that relationship for nearly 12 months now.

And so I became a hermit, which wasn't so hard to do.

I withdrew from the world. I didn't write...not even journal, which I've been doing since I was 16.
I stopped going out.
Literally.
There were weeks where I didn't leave the house at all, not even to get the mail.

Suddenly at 43 I felt very lost.

And because I was still in Lyme treatment it was easy to use my Lyme as the excuse as to why I was feeling so shitty.

In addition, depression is quite typical with Lyme Disease...but jesus, who wouldn't be depressed with a multi-system disease that robs you of your health?

So which is it? Which came first?

To be honest, I don't know.

And now I really don't care. If I don't pick myself up and dust myself off a couple more years will have flown by...and where would I be?

My short term goals are pretty simple.

get out of bed every morning (trust me sometimes this can be hard)
shower (it usually makes those around me happier if I don't smell)
work 2 hours a day on a project, any project (keep the old mind sharp)
remind myself each night before bed how truly blessed I am
make one long term goal

And so I'm saving for a trip to Ireland (I'm very Irish, in case you didn't know).

Summer of 2012 my brother and I are going to return to our family's birth place and discover all the things our father loved about Ireland. His land.

p.s. We'll probably stop off in Scotland too, as our father loved Scotland as well. Edinburgh was one of his favorite cities.

And a thank you to my readers who've stuck by my journey these past few years. I'm surprised you keep checking back on me every now and then even though I've not written in some time.
You're an inspiration, thanks.

Maybe 2010 won't be my year...

2010-04-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I'm back.

Unfortunately, my life has gone from substantially complicated to 'out-of-control... please hand me a bottle of seroquel and a shot of vodka quick' (note to MD's I know these two should never be taken together).

For all my Lyme readers:

I'm currently taking 6,000mg/a day of amoxicillin, 200mg/a day of minocycline, 200mg/a day of doxy and 250-100mg/a day of malarone. In addition, of course, I'm taking many supplements, probiotics out my ass (literally) and some Chinese medicine that helps with the now permanent arthritis in my hands and wrists.

I'm going to continue this regimen until summer and then take a self-induced med break for a month and finally go on IV meds for Lyme. Picc or port is now the question, as my neuro/psych symptoms are getting worse not better. I can no longer drive farther than town (5 miles/10 minutes), as when my body gets tired (and I mean complete shutdown) I get double-vision that I no longer self correct (by concentrating real hard).

My short term memory and word recall is at an all time low. I no longer can brag about my photographic memory and recite arguments I had with my husband line by line from 6 months ago...let alone yesterday. My 16 year old takes complete advantage of this symptom, and often tells me she already told me such-and-such the other day and I just don't remember. I'm sure sometimes it works but now a lot of the time I just say no to everything to make it simpler. You would think by now she'd take notes of our conversations, but what can I say... she's a teenager.

There's plenty more depressing shit to talk about... but enough about me.

My youngest(almost 12 yr old) has tested positive for Lyme. And not just a little, a lot(5 positive bands, 2 inconclusive). We didn't catch on to her symptoms as quickly as I would have thought/hoped...as all of her symptoms present as neuro/psych...severe anxiety, OCD, panic attacks, etc... It just didn't dawn on me because I was looking for more physical symptoms, fatigue, muscle pain, joint pain, etc...

And the kicker is I probably(99.9%) gave it to her, which now confirms my guess that I had it when I was pregnant with her. My poor baby. I'm confident that the little f*#ing bugs have been laying dormant since her birth and that as soon as she started pre-puberty, the hormones just kicked everything into high gear.

So she's started seeing a really great Lyme psychiatrist here in Seattle and in a week we'll be flying down to the Bay Area to see her new pediatric Lyme doctor. At least I still have family and friends there...we'll stay at my mother's and my sister will come visit with my little monkey and we can try to make the visits more about friends and family and less about doctors and medication.

Never in a million years would I have thought at 42 this would be where I'd be. Where my family would be and that Lyme disease would be such a big portion of my life, my family's life, etc... Who knew? Why my family?

Our support group is growing, so this 'bug' is no fluke. And our members have contracted lyme from all over, Washington, California, Nevada, Colorado, Malaysia, Singapore, New York, Missouri, Connecticut, etc.. it's now in every state and almost all countries in Europe acknowledge Lyme as the leading vector-borne disease.

Our support group managed to get our little theatre on the Island to show the documentary, Under Our Skin. It was a real success, with a Q and A after with two doctors and the noted authoress, Rebecca Wells(lyme sufferer). We were virtually sold out and hopefully we got the word out, even just a little bit.

So to all my readers, I'm back to report in, but my life has taken a turn for the crazy. I'd like to continue to document my daughter's and my progress with Lyme disease, but I may be doing it over on our community Lyme blog, as I never meant this blog to be solely about Lyme disease.

But don't fear my dear friends, if I'm going to be staying at my mother's a least once a month, I'll have plenty of funny, scary, and mostly clinically hilarious bi-polar stories to tell you about my dear old mother. Maybe I'll misplace her lithium and we'll have lots to discuss.

Sincerely,

Monkey Girl

Taking a mini break...

2009-12-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry Folks but I need to take a mini-break from blogging.

Lately, my Lyme treatment has been kicking my ass.

I got the final ultimatum from my LLMD(Lyme Literate Doctor) that if I don't improve significantly by mid-January, she's putting me on IV treatment...hello PICC line.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday and we'll see each other in The New Year!!

Best wishes,

Monkey Girl

I'm not dead...yet

2009-11-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly coming out of my carb coma...

Thanks to all the advice you guys lavished me with on how to find my next donut 'home'...which now tells me donuts are spelled doughnuts...who fucking knew?

Luckily for everyone in my family (their safety was in serious jeopardy)...

I found nirvana.

It's located at 2100 5th Ave, Seattle, Washington 98121

Better known as...5th Ave's Top Pot Doughnuts

Now I'm telling you all this is some swanky place...as seen below...

But don't fear...despite their posh appearance they do deliver the 'goods'.

Due to my unbelievable parking karma there was a spot right out front...literally like the gods were telling me, "Monkey Girl, we know how you've suffered we've saved this spot just for you."

I walked in...and the angels sang...with a tear in my eye, and the fumes of sugar wafting in my nose, my body literally floated to the donut counter.

This cherub behind the counter smiled at me and as I rubbed my hands together like a child on Christmas morning...I sighed and told her I'd found paradise.

She laughed...and handed me a napkin so I could wipe the drool from my chin.

As I picked out 2 dozen donuts (don't worry I share) I danced over to the kind looking barista and asked him if it was humanly possible to make me the largest white hot chocolate with enormous amounts of whipped cream.

"Of course" he said.

"Heaven" I whispered.

As my husband gasped at the bill (these puppies aren't cheap) I walked out of my new found donut heaven already inhaling a lovely cake donut... I heaved a sigh of relief.
Life can go on as we know it.

Feeling generous, I offered the homeless man outside the shop his pick of any donut.
Smiling, he pick the pink glazed cake with rainbow sprinkles.

Of course, who wouldn't.

And another one bites the dust...

2009-11-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

(this post is particularly aimed at my Seattle readers)

Yes, this morning I too, read the newest research announcing the unbelievable the link between eating processed food and depression.

And I quote,

"Researchers at University College London found that people with a diet heavy in processed food had a 58 percent higher risk of depression."

This is especially timely news for me and every other Seattlite who recently discovered (well, it might just be me) the our beloved Wallingford Winchell's Donuts has closed. (sigh)

This news certainly has added to my depression. Quick someone pass me some Prozac, no make that a xanax...I feel a panic attack coming on.

Where the hell am I going to get my donuts now?
This is a serious loss for all us serious cake donut eaters...not everyone loves or even likes Krispy Kreme.

Every month, for the last 18 months, the only thing that made my life bearable was just knowing that every time I went in to see my Lyme doctor, we would stop off at Winchell's to pick up a dozen of the most delicious donuts.

And then last month...we pulled into the tiny parking lot next to the permanent roach coach and my heart skipped a beat when I noticed the 'Closed' sign in the window.

Is it for real?
It's 11:47 am?
Was there a death in the family?
Maybe this is the one week out of the year he goes for a week vacation in Tahiti?

Seriously, I was grasping at straws.
I kept going through all the possible scenarios till we got home.

And then I called...hoping there would be a reassuring recorded message telling all his loyal customers he had swine flu, but would be back to baking my rainbow sprinkled cake donuts just as soon as he was able...I was holding my breath till I heard that fucking annoying beep, beep, beep and that recorded apology telling me the number had been disconnected.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Now the nearest Winchell's is a mere 901.18 miles away in Salinas, California.

What's the point to living if you can't enjoy a good cake donut?
Any suggestions, people?

I already have to drive approximately 29 miles for Popeye's chicken.
What is this world coming to if you can no longer get your fried comfort food?

The Earthquake and the Tree House...

2009-10-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a northern California coastal mountain range.
Of course, to a Californian girl anything over 1,000 ft. is a mountain.

My parents built their house in the mid 1960's.

It hugged the side of a steep hill and was built on stilts (huge ones).
It was our tree house built on the side of our hill, every aspect designed and built by my father.

You literally had to walk across a bridge to the front door and because my father didn't want to cut down any more trees than necessary, the trees came up through holes in the decks that surrounded the house.
You could drive by the house and never see it, it was so hidden by the trees.

It is like no other house.
As you can imagine it gave the phrase, 'playing under the house' a whole new meaning.

Our house was conveniently located half a mile from the San Andreas fault line. We all knew this. Our Midwest relatives thought we were insane. How could we live in an area where an earthquake could level our house. I always though they were nuts. How could they live in an area where every summer tornadoes wiped out entire neighborhoods.

What most people don't know is, that unless the earthquake is higher than a 4.0, you really can't feel a thing.
Growing up we had a few good jolts here and there, nothing too scary.

Not until the fall of 1989. I was at university about 90-100 miles away. I'd just come home to my 1970's shitty apartment and was going through the mail when the earthquake hit. The apartment building shook and the dining room light fixture swayed so far it hit the ceiling. It scared the shit out of me, not because I thought the apartment would fall apart, but because I knew the closest fault line was 90 miles away in the Bay Area, and if I could feel it where I lived, I could only imagine how bad it was at home.

We didn't find out till days later, it was a 6.9 earthquake. The destruction was unbelievable. Unfortunately, the phone lines were down, and we only could rely on the television reports. It looked bad, real bad.

My childhood home ended up being knocked off it's foundation, which was nothing compared to houses and streets that were completed flattened. It was devastating to see my childhood home town shaken and my favorite city (San Francisco) hit so hard.

The city's population shrunk fast. All the out-of-town transplants, scared of the chance of another earthquake moved out of the city....fast. City rents dropped like a rock.

So on December 1st, on the first day the Bay Bridge reopened, I drove across the bridge with all my worldly possessions. I didn't have a job yet, buy I'd leased the cutest little apartment in lower Nob Hill.

My relatives thought I'd lost my mind, but I knew I was embarking on one of the first of many great adventures.

And I was right.

I can't keep it clean...

2009-10-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Don't bother clicking on the links. They've been deleted by the paper's editor after Mr. Dumba** reported to her that I had insulted his manhood. Gee, I feel so bad. (please note heavy sarcasm)

For the last week there has been a very local debate brewing in our small town. Well, really a few towns over from us, but hey, I shop there once a month so it counts.

This particular town has a Planned Parenthood, which is regularly picketed by local church groups, anti-choice groups and nut jobs, etc... They picket on a very visible corner in this town with signs that depict aborted fetuses.

Last week they stepped it up a notch and hired a LARGE advertising truck that had an enormous picture of an aborted fetus. This truck drove around town.

As you can imagine, there were many complaints phoned into the local police department and letters written to the local newspaper. Complaints from parents who had children in their cars. Complaints from offended women, men, tourists, etc...

A local anti-choice group claimed responsibility for the graphic pictures. Quite a few letters have been written in the opinion page of their local newspaper.

They do get an occasional normal comment like here. But you don't have to scroll down(comment #3) far to read all the idiots comments like Bremertongreg's insightful ones(note heavy sarcasm).

I'm sorry people, but I'm like Debra Morgan on Dexter(if you don't watch it, Netflix it, it's hilarious). I can't keep my thoughts, words, opinions clean of obscenities. I call it like I see it. My husband tries to encourage me to keep it clean, especially when I'm posting on a website...but I just can't do it.

If you read some of the comments you might see mine...unless I've been censored(quite possible). I have to use *s to get around the automated big brother censor web programs...which you might guess irritates the shit out of me.

When I want to call Bremertongreg a dumbass and/or tell him to keep his dick in his pants...using the *s just takes all the fun out of it. Plus, you can never be sure these fucking idiots are smart enough to make out the word when it's not spelled correctly.

Sometimes an idiot just needs it spelled out...i.e., you're a fucking dumbass.

Sorry people, I just can't keep it clean.

But you don't look sick...

2009-10-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

Every time I hear those five little words, I want to scream.

I want to jump up and down, and scream, "FUCK YOU" at the top of my voice.

Every Lyme patient I know has heard those five little fuck you words.

This past week I've been in bed sleeping 16-18 hours a day. Not because I need my beauty sleep but because my body is being ravaged by a parasitic disease, of which I am it's lovely host.
Between the red blood cell parasites, and the cute little spiral bacteria infection, and let's not forget the annoying little buggies that has decided to jump on the bandwagon just for fun. I feel like one big carnival ride for every bug in a two mile radius.

And I'm tired.

I'm tired of playing the host of this 24/7 party in my body.

With every antibiotic I take, every IV treatment I sit through, every horse pill I swallow to boost up my immune system, I am trying to fight this disease.

So when you tell me I don't look sick, I'll try not to take it personally.

Maybe you're really just trying to be polite.
Maybe you're really thinking I look like hell.
Maybe you're really thinking I'm just a big cry baby.

But telling me you wish you had the luxury to sleep all day like me...

Well, fuck you sister, it ain't no 'luxury'.

I'd have no problem giving you my:

joint pain
muscle and bone pain
double vision
all over body twitches
ear ringing and white noise
brain fog
hair loss
100F+ fever for 5+ years
hand/foot numbness

So the next time you...

I'm sure you won't mind me giving you the finger.

My version of the truth...

2009-09-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

I got the sweetest shout out from one of my favorite political bloggers.

I'm sure I've mentioned her before, you know me (in an internet stalker kind of way) I love to talk politics. Even a good argument with one of my few (perhaps only) republican friends can be a great opportunity to ruffle his feathers.

I do like to screw with people's sense of security.
Even if it's as juvenile as messing up my friend's overly organized OCD closet.
Or putting a rainbow bumper sticker on some red neck's jacked up 4 x 4 truck w/an NRA sticker and a gun rack.
Or even putting a tattoo on my then 2 year old, right before my in-laws once every 7 year visit.

It's true, I do like to push people's buttons...especially if they piss me off...or just for my own sick amusement.

Just like Maude said, "Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things."

So, ten truths about me...

I'm left handed.
I've always wanted to get a tattoo of Max from Where the Wild Things Are.
I use my vacuum to kill spiders.
I like to sleep diagonally in the bed.
Hence, I wish there was a bed bigger than king size.
I love the way my pillow smells.
I wear cologne instead of perfume. I prefer woodsy vs. flowery
I have eight scars on my body. Even though they're from surgeries, I tell people I've been in a knife fight.
I think Clive Owen and Gerard Butler are edible.
I think I'm going to be Mary Poppins this year for Halloween.

The one thing that probably won't happen is #2. I will definitely get a tattoo, however, now that the movie, Where the Wild Things Are is coming out, getting the Max tattoo now will just seem cheesy.

To all my favorite bloggers, you know who you are...thanks for the great writing and reading.

Do our kids really need an extra 3 hours in school?

2009-09-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

Obama's new announcement yesterday got me thinking.

There is no doubt that the American school system needs an overhaul, but I don't think arbitrarily adding 3 extra hours to the school day is the answer.

I already see high burn out rates in teachers and students alike.
Compared to my elementary education in the 1970's, children are being pushed harder to learn concepts at an earlier age, given more homework/busy work and given less time to be 'a kid'.

Adding an additional 3 hours to the average school day will completely take away any chance for a childhood and severely impact parent/child relationships.

As it is now, most working parents only spend on average 3 hours or less a day (Monday-Friday) with their children. In that 3 hours, a parent needs to help with homework, make dinner, get their children ready for bed and spend quality time with their children. Forget running errands, cleaning, and extracurricular activities. Add more children to the scenario and it's next to impossible.

When we lived overseas the monkeys were in the American School system. Lucky for us, my husband's company paid for their tuition(can you say cha-ching).

Their school day started at 8am and ended at 3pm. Because most of the kids attending were from expat families, the school understood the difficulties expats experienced and kids were rarely given homework. All school work was finished at school (made sense to me). Every student attended a study hall class.

The differences here in America are staggering. Even though the girls attend one of the best public schools in America (98.7% of the students go on to 4 year university), the parents are expected to supplement the kids education, (i.e. I often feel like I'm repeating the 5th and 10th grade).

I remember my father helping every now and then with a book report, but my parents were never expected to sit down everyday at the kitchen table and help me with my homework. My brother and I still had plenty of time to be kids.
School was where the teachers educated the kids, home was where the parents parented the kids, weekends were for family time and the two never met except at fundraisers and parent/teacher conferences.

I already see kids who feel the pressure of enormous amounts of homework. My eldest spends approximately 2-3 hours a day on homework...my youngest 1-2 hours. I remember the time chart parents received when I was a kid...

Kindergarten - no homework

1st grade - 10 minutes/a day

2nd grade - 20 minutes/a day

3rd grade - 30 minutes/a day

4th grade - 40 minutes/a day

and so on...

Teachers didn't send home 20 pages of dittos of busy work.
I had time to go to piano lessons once a week, soccer practice twice a week, and still be home at 6pm for dinner.

Our teachers are already underpaid and our kids overworked, I'm just not sure this is the answer.

My brother...

2009-09-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

I didn't know why she came for me.
Every Thursday for as long as I could remember.
Why me and not my brother?

She always took me for ice cream and then to the park.

Even at 5, I tried to understand what she wanted.
I tried to answer her questions without telling her my secrets.

And at the end of every visit, I'd get more and more scared, waiting...wanting to go home.
Hoping this time, she didn't move us to another home, another family.

Please don't ask us to move again.
Please don't ask us to move again.

After every visit, she'd drive me home.
We'd come around the corner, and I'd hold my breath till I could see him.

Sitting on the steps, waiting.
Right where I'd left him. Holding his paint chipped fire engine.

Always waiting.
Knowing I'd always come back for him.

Sex after 40...

2009-09-11T04:27:00.000-07:00

Both my husband and I hit our 40's within the last two years.

I'll admit after 17 years of marriage, our sex life has gone through its share of changes.

We often marvel at how we had enough energy to have sex 5 times a day while going to college, working two part time jobs (his at school, mine off campus) and his water polo practice twice a day. When did we have time to sleep? Go to parties? Recover from drinking too much?

And then I remember I was 19/20 and he was 21/22.

A time where staying up till 4am frantically writing a paper due at 9am, didn't keep me from working a six hour shift, going to 3 classes and apparently fucking my brains out for 3 hours.

After 21 years(total) together, our sex life has gone through peaks and valleys. Babies and graveyard shifts.

And now at 41, I finally get the whole Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher thing.

See, women go through their sexual peak sometime in their late 30's to early 40's whereas men peak sometime in their 20's.

You'd have to have a 20 year old on stand by...or risk giving your husband a heart attack.

Geez, I feel old...

2009-09-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

It's official. I'm old.

It was the first day of middle school for my baby monkey today.

No more elementary school.
No more kisses out the door.
No more hugs goodbye at the bus stop.

She's no baby, she's a big girl now.

(weep)

It was like standing at the bus stop with a bunch of strangers.
Only one other parent (besides me) threw caution to the wind and waited it out till by bus came...much to the shame of my monkeys.

I had no one to high five after the bus had left.
Another social outlet gone.

(sniff)

This sucks.

BTW, my oldest monkey didn't even acknowledge leaving the house this morning, so she was either wearing too much make-up or flip-flops. Or both.

Why I'm on my twevlth remote control...

2009-08-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

When my husband and I married 17 years ago, we were the first to marry out of our group of friends.
Within a few years, we were attending weddings almost every month, and by the end of the decade, most of our friends were all married.

I knew then, like I know now, not all our friend's marriages were going to last. I mean really, when your soon to be husband is arrested two towns over a month before the wedding for soliciting a prostitute...well, you get the picture.

Now almost 17 years later, Hubby and I are still married but most of our friends are now divorced, separated or living in horribly dysfunctional marriages.

Last year one of the few childhood friends I still keep in touch with was arrested for spousal abuse. Although she was the one arrested for the abuse, her husband is no saint, and most of the abuse in the marriage is perpetrated by him (physical, psychological, and verbal etc...).

Seriously, who hasn't thought about stabbing their spouse with a screw driver?
Whatever is handy, I guess. And even though I joke, it was no joke when the cops showed up and arrested her on her front lawn in front of her kids.

I've been tempted to throw a punch or two but usually I just end up throwing the remote across the room. Like I said, whatever is handy and near by.

She called last week to say she had completed her one year of probation and anger management class.

Honestly, what do you say? What's the protocol here, people? Do I send her a Hallmark card congratulating her on her twelve months of abuse free living? Do I send her one of those pretty handpainted screwdrivers I see at Ace Hardware or Season 1 of Cops?

Any suggestions?

Maybe next time I feel like smothering the Hubby in his sleep because he's snoring too loud, I'll take a moment to be grateful the remote control isn't sharp and pointy.

Never having to say you're sorry...

2009-08-25T05:29:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that we seem to be raising a generation of children (or two) who feel they never have to say they're sorry?

After reading Bill Maher's latest post, it got me thinking of that phrase I so dearly hate...

"It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."

I see this ideology being used on a daily basis, and it nauseates me to my core.

Just a few weeks ago, a developer who's building three houses in our neighborhood, filled in overnight a protected wetland that was located just in front of his houses. When I noticed it, it really didn't surprise me. It seems quite common place that people break the law in order to make a buck.

But once again, it reminded me of that ideology which is so seriously flawed, and yet it seems to be an accepted method of getting what you want without paying the consequences.

Is that what we're teaching our children?
That as long as they say sorry afterwards, all is absolved?

We live in an era, where everyone from an adulterous Senator, to the neighbor down the street uses that word, "Sorry" so flippantly that it no longer holds any value or even truth.

It's challenging to teach children that being honest with yourself and the world brings a type of inner peace that is so powerful.

I remind them that...

Karma always wins out in the end, even if we're not there to see it.

Where is your empathy?

2009-08-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

The following is a comment I wrote for one of my fellow political bloggers.

And in case you haven't checked her out, please do so...it's worth the read.

All I did this week was write to the President and literally beg him to stand by his word and keep public option on the table. I need it, my family needs it...and so do millions of Americans.

Like I've said before (I'm old so I always repeating myself like my dear old Grammy)...

Americans need to change their way of thinking.

Where is your empathy people?

We are all here on this planet doing the same exact thing: living, loving, maybe raising children, trying to better ourselves and wanting the best for our families. Period.

When one person suffers, we all suffer.

To know that there are children out there that don't have enough food today, or won't take vital medicine they need because their parents can't afford it, etc...breaks my heart.

I acknowledge that I am one of the lucky ones. I wasn't born in a cardboard box on the roadside outside of Manila. I was born in the United States. I was born to relatively well off upper-middle-class parents (well, adopted by them at least). My life could have been so much harder, but it's not.

My children have a roof over their head, clothes on their body, healthy food in their stomach and literally don't want for anything besides an i-phone and internet access 24/7, which they will never get until they're adults and can pay for it themselves, because I’m a mean mommy(so they say).

In almost all other industrialized nations, i.e. UK, Germany, France, Japan, Singapore, etc...their citizens have universal healthcare coverage. None of them will go bankrupt trying to pay a hospital bill. None of them will have to make the choice between food on the table and medicine for their ailments. Just imagine how freeing that would be.

Their governments (and citizens) believe that it is their right to provide EVERY citizen with quality healthcare. They value everyone. Think about that for a minute. Their government values everyone. The stay at home mom, the janitor at the elementary school, the CEO, the maid changing the sheets at the local motel, EVERYONE.

No one is worth more than anyone else. We are all equal.

Right now we live in a country that only values people who make serious $$. If you are changing toilet rolls at the local A & P, apparently you are not trying hard enough to better yourself.

How fucked is that thinking?

It truly is in our best interest to provide healthcare for everyone. Even those illegal immigrants you conservatives rage about 24/7. Because if even one of them goes to school without proper vaccinations, we are putting all our children at risk.

If you are one of the Americans that love the healthcare coverage you already have...great...good for you. However, there are millions of Americans who are not happy and struggling daily to juggle the medical bills, which are piling up by the minute.

They are covered (or not at all) by insurance companies that put a price of their head. Insurance companies who believe it would be more financially advantageous to deny your claims because it will make their share holders richer.

Do we really want that?

Apparently the price on my head is $5,000,000.

That's my lifetime cap on healthcare.

What's yours?

Reflections of peace...

2009-08-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

The year was 1987 and I was a freshman at a relatively small private liberal university(approx. 1200) in California.

I was finally out of the house and beyond my mother's overbearing, psychotic bi-polar, manic/depressive control.

It was one of the happiest times in my life where I felt the most free.

I returned early from winter break in order to go skiing in Bear Valley with two friends. They picked me up at school in their 1970 VW Camper and we headed out on Highway 4 listening to Cat Stevens, Yes, Fleetwood Mac and the Grateful Dead. It was total bliss laying in the back of the camper as I watched the clouds drift by while listening to some of my favorite music.

We were staying in one of our parents ski cabin a few miles outside of Calaveras Big Trees State Park, redwood trees everywhere.

For the next 5 days we skied. Glorious sunny days skiing in fresh powder that had fallen from the night before, beautiful.

Since we were there during the week and there was a recession tapering down in California, the ski resort was virtually empty.
On some runs I was the only person on the lift, which is something I've never experienced then and since. My friends were much more experienced skiers than I and were skiing black diamond runs for most of the trip.

I remember so vividly riding up the mountain. It was so quiet. Imagine for a moment, there is no traffic, no people, no voices... no one in sight. Snow covered trees, no clouds in the sky, deep pine smells that fill your nose. Heaven.

It was literally the most peaceful moment I've ever experienced and I remember thinking there will never be a more beautiful moment than this moment now, right here...as I glided up the mountain all alone.

Please don't bow to troll pressure...

2009-08-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

I just finished penning a letter to President Obama.

My heart truly sank when I read that the President might bow to Republican pressure to take public option health care off the table.

I'm not below begging...and I literally did that in my letter to the President.

Please people of the world, but mostly of the United States:

It's not only the 47 million people without health insurance, it's also the other tens of millions of people who are under insured.

You might have good health insurance now, but believe me, eventually you won't and then you'll wish you had the option.

My family of four pays $1,000/month for the shittiest health insurance (it's through my husband's job and we have no choice but to except it).

A thousand fricking dollars a month people!!!

Our insurance carrier even refused to pay for my daughter's vaccinations this last year.
I mean really, how low can we go here?

The insurance companies have no oversight and are killing the people of this country in order to make a buck...and this is the health insurance that people are fighting for????

The only people I know that DON'T BITCH about their health insurance are people who work for the state or the government.

Post Secret...

2009-08-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

My brother and I used to play pranks on each other, this kind of sick humour would have been priceless.

I wish I'd thought of this.

Where is his hope?

2009-08-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

As a child, I always had hope.

Hope that some day someone would love me, unconditionally.

Hope that some day a mother and a father would adopt me.

Hope for a love without abuse.

My ability to hope has been a great gift.
The gift to dream of a better life.
And although there were times of deep despair...I never lost the gift to dream of a better life.

Now, as an adult, I realize this gift of always having hope, does not live inside everyone. And as strange as it might be, I married a man who views the glass as half empty.
Obviously, opposites really do attract.

To say that he views the glass as half empty is an understatement.
He honestly views the glass as half empty, and probably filled with parasites, poised on the edge of a table, which is about to lose a leg. Literally.

Once, years ago, he told me he always felt when we were starting our married life that we were, "one paycheck away from living under a freeway overpass".

I can't express what an OVER exaggeration that statement is...however, whenever we've struggled financially, this has been his mindset.

And for all you other wives out there, I've got to tell you, living with someone who thinks this way is fucking exhausting. Mentally and physically exhausting. He just wears me out.

These last few months, his business has been down, and I can see and feel the stress that is emanating from his pores. His stress is powerful and can suck you in.

And no matter how many times I tell him, we should be grateful that he has a job, we have a roof over our head, our children are fed and clothed, etc....it just doesn't sink in.

Where is his hope?

Welcome to the neighborhood...

2009-08-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

What is hilarious about this photo is that the wiener dog poo(s) on a tissue...

My closest and dearest girlfriend moved into my neighborhood this week.

For the last 4 years she's heard me complain about the 'neighbor' who lets her dog roam and shit all over the neighborhood. But Thursday morning she got to see it first hand when she stepped out on the back patio and spied some 'fresh' shit on her clean lawn that clearly wasn't from her dog.

Isn't that nice?

Welcome to the neighborhood Honey!

Nothing makes you feel more at home than:

Fresh shit on your beautiful lawn.
The neighbor's Harley revving at 6am.
Neighbors that are already complaining about the moving van parked in front of your house.
Oh, did I forget to mention you can hear the seals (and roosters, too) at dawn? Sorry.

The good part was, the complete dinner...including brownies that one of the neighbors brought her, to welcome her to the neighborhood. Isn't that sweet?

The good neighbors outweigh the bad.

...and now I've got my partner in crime living 3 doors down.

My husband is going to have his hands full.

Too much stress for one little girl...

2009-08-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

Slowly, with the help of a family therapist, my youngest is trying to learn coping skills to deal with her OCD issues and stress.

My little baby carries so much stress and anguish around inside her. I guess I always knew it. But I didn't realize how bad it has been for her on a daily basis.

No eleven year old should worry that much.

We pass on so much to our children without realizing it.

Our fears.
Our hopes.
Our genetics.

She worries that our house might burn down.
She worries that our animals might die.
It doesn't stop there though, even the littlest things can cause her stress.

Her mind seems to have control over her. Even as a young child she used to tell us that her mind told her things. She'd have these 'bad' thoughts, as she called them.

I knew immediately what she was talking about.

Because as a child myself, I remember desperately struggling to keep bad images or bad thoughts out of my head while I was trying to fall asleep. The difference is, my childhood, was well, pretty bad...to put it mildly.

My brother and I had been in and out of many foster homes and group homes by the time I was 6 years old.
We suffered from abandonment, neglect, abuse, isolation, instability...

The difference is, my mind has protected me all these years.
I know hidden away in the depths of my psyche are memories of abuse that run deep.

I knew I'd be a different mother.
I knew I'd break the cycle of abuse.

What I didn't know was, without even trying, without any intent, I'd still pass on my stresses and fears to my children.

Yes, every child is born with certain pre-dispositions, but as much as we might try, our children are still our children.

Our children are ourselves.

And every morning, I see her eyes, her nose, her hair, her smile, and she reminds me of me.

I must be the Wicked Witch of the West...

2009-07-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have mediocre stories to tell of people watching at Disneyland.

But I can't concentrate long enough to write these little stories on gross cherry flavored cotton candy, meeting my fairy godmother, grumpy grown ups, and the frustrating hotel mattress pad that never managed to stay on the effing bed.

Why, you ask?

Because it's 8 o'clock in the fucking morning and it's already 80 degrees!!

Yes, I know, I'm whining.

See, when we told friends and family that we were picking up and moving away from paradise to move to Seattle 4 years ago, I had friends and family making all these weird faces.

Smushed up faces of shock...and mumbling things like...

"You know it rains there, like, everyday of the year?"

"Aren't you going to miss seeing the sun?"

"You'll have to start taking anti-depressants to get through the winter."

Ok, that last one was from my family doctor...and it's not far from the truth.

Fast forward to this week.

In case you've been living under a rock...which in my case would be several degrees cooler than where I'm currently sitting, we people here in Seattle have been experiencing what you might call a HEAT WAVE.

Today, apparently will be the hottest day on record EVER.

Translation:

For as long as they (the little people who keep records) have been keeping records of the temperature in Seattle, never has the thermometer hit 101 degrees...never, not ever.

Now, you might say, Monkey Girl, that doesn't seem that hot. You've lived in Singapore where it's significantly hotter and more humid, what's the problem?

Well the problem is, most homes don't have air conditioning here.
Why, you ask?
Because it never gets this fucking hot!

And with no air conditioning...I'm melting.

Literally. My mind is mush.

Help me, my bagel and cream cheese has already crusted over and congealed and it's only been out for 5 minutes...

Here we gooooooooo...

2009-07-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

Ever since my first experience of Disneyland's Peter Pan ride when I was 5, I've been hooked.

I don't know what it is, but the feeling like you're flying over Big Ben and downtown London at night with stars in the sky is like crack to me. Literally.

I could ride it over and over, all day long. Unfortunately, my kids aren't as weird as I am, and insist on riding other rides (they're so selfish), meeting Goofy and Minnie and stuffing their mouthes with cotton candy and ice cream.

I love Disneyland.

From the first time my brother and I went in 1973, when my brother pulled off Eeyore's tail and walked away with it, to our last family vacation there six years ago.

It's a family tradition that I adore.

Once we're in the park, we immediately go to the first 'trinket' stand and buy an autograph book and a cute Disney pen for the girls.

Then we walk down Disney's Main Street, breathing in all the sugar-fied air past the candy stores and head straight to the Peter Pan ride, because it's my favorite.

After that we contemplate whether the Snow White ride will be too scary (it is) and decide to either go on Dumbo's flying ride or head straight to It's a Small World. Most changes in the 'master' plan are affected by weather (if it's too hot) or if it's too crowded.

We always eat lunch at Blue Bayou (the restaurant inside Pirates of the Caribbean). It always makes me feel like we're in New Orleans at night, and my mind can completely buy into the whole fantasy. I guess I'm like a kid that way.

You'd think after nearly 40 years I'd get tired of Disneyland, but no, every time we return, it brings me right back to my childhood. Even memories of when my brother and I were 16 and 18 and ran around the park on our own, riding the rides over and over. Meeting our parents for lunch and then taking off again till dinner.

It was heaven.

Come Monday morning (or Sunday night, if I can't wait) you'll know where I am...

Standing in line at Peter Pan's Flight, waiting for my ship to take me to Neverland.

And I'll be in heaven, once again.

Even at 40 and a half, I still have questions about life...

2009-07-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

My mind works a mile a minute. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

About everything and nothing. Everything and nothing. Literally.

Do all brains work like mine?

Does everyone contemplate eternity like I do? I mean really, how can you wrap your mind around eternity? Try it....you can't. You just can't. I wonder whether it feels like living forever, and how is that even fucking possible?

Although I haven't been to a church since my wedding, which is coming up on 17 years, no wait, there's been a couple of funerals since then and my sister was married a couple of years ago.
So really, I haven't been to church in two years. And yes, if you're doing the math now, that means I got married when I was 24. Hard to believe.

Anyhoo, I'm not particularly religious, I'm probably what you'd call more spiritual.

Definitely believe in a higher power.
Started believing in heaven (or something like it) when my father was dying. I mean, I believed before that there was life after death, but when my father was dying...I thought about it A LOT.

Really, in my world, all religions are right. There's no only one 'real' religion. Because, in my world, God would never turn away a good person...just based on which church they belonged to or their sexual preferences...that's just crazy talk...you get my drift.

But that's not the point I'm trying to make today. My point is...I can think about this shit for hours. I can literally drive myself batty.

Does everyone have OCD issues when they shower or bathe? Do they wash their hair twice, face twice, arms and legs with one soap, torso with the other? Really? Do they? Or think every time they accidentally touch a public doorknob (with her bare skin) that they'll contract swine flu or tuberculous? Just in case you're wondering, I almost always remember to pull my shirt/coat down or use a paper towel to touch a public door handle.

Do they watch movies over and over thru the years and yet are still convinced that just once the ending will change?
That Robert De Niro will get away from Al Pacino in the end of Heat, the way he meant to?

I mean every fucking time I watch it, I'm hoping he'll escape with Amy Brennan's character and finally get to South America or where ever the fuck they were planning on going. Do normal people do that?

I often tell my significant other that if he only knew what I was really thinking 24/7, he'd have left me long ago. I tell him tidbits here and there, but really just say,

"It's the tip of the iceberg baby, tip of the iceberg."

We've been together a long time, and truly no one knows me better than him. And I certainly feel blessed that he still thinks all my quirky little nuances are cute and endearing...still after 20 years together. Frankly, I'm surprised the bastard hasn't smothered me in my sleep. I know I've been tempted a few times over the years.

You've all seen the scene where Kathleen Turner squeezes Michael Douglas' nose closed because his snoring/breathing is driving her crazy. We've all been there. (War of the Roses...for you young kids, rent it if you haven't seen it) Of course, there's another ending, I hope will change the next time I see it.

Of course, I don't hold his nose closed, I just knee him in the back and tell him to roll over.

I mean, I know it's normal to think of things like...

When you're riding the ferry...you wonder will it sink?

But I take it to a whole new level, baby. Will it sink? Will there be enough room in the life boats? After seeing the life boats...I'm not so sure. So will hypothermia kick in before any boats rescue us? I've watched 'Deadliest Catch', I've seen their computer animated thingy that shows your arms and legs stop working so you drown in less than 5 minutes. The Puget Sound is cold people, fucking cold. Which people will be noble and let the women and children on first?

Do I have Lyme Disease because I used a whole can of RAID on a grasshopper that was stuck in my girl scout tent in the 3rd grade? That would be karma, right? I killed bugs, so now the bugs are killing me.

These are things that would probably keep me up at night. And since I can't take Ambien anymore, remember? Now, I try a regular bedtime routine and a little meditation.

50% success rate so far.

And when I'm awake at 3 in the morning, I think of the millions of people around the world who are up with me.

Life is short.

And we're all in this together.

Monday's Schizophrenic Post...

2009-07-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

My comments on Palin's latest political media stunt:

If she is truly resigning as Alaska's governor because she can't hack the media pressure...what the fuck is she going to do if she gets elected in 2012 (god forbid)?

Now I have to go wash my mouth out with soap for even thinking Americans could be stupid enough to vote her into office. Shame on me.

I'll leave you with a cheap and lazy way out of thinking of something to post about...

A - An advantage you have - I'm married to the most supportive, kind, mellow, patient husband
B - Blue or Brown eyes - Very blue, voted "best eyes" in my college dorm my freshman year
C - Chore you hate - All chores that revolve around cleaning my house
D - Dad's name - Daniel, passed away over 15 years ago, miss him everyday
E - Essential start of you day - A cup of PG Tips tea w/milk, of course
F - Favorite color - Blues and greens
G - Greatest thing you've ever done - had two beautiful children
H - Habit you have - Swearing...very naughty habit
I - Issue you hate - The Conservative Right and their desire to shit on The Constitution
J - Job title - Wife, mother, artist, best friend... woman extraordinaire
K - Kohls or Target - Target, never been in a Kohls...not a big shopper
L - Living arrangements - Husband, two kids, two cats, one dog, one house and a veggie garden
M - Music you like - classical, Psychedelic Furs, Neil Young, Annie Lennox, 70's classics
N - Nicknames - Monkey Girl (obviously), Fruitcake, Lovebug, I'll respond to anything really
O - Overnight Hospital Stays - Yes, many
P - Pet Peeve - Ungratefulness, conceitedness, neighbors who let their dogs shit everywhere
Q - Quote you most like - "Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral, you cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality." - Maude from the movie Harold and Maude
R - Right or Left handed - Left handed
S - Siblings - yes, I have siblings, one 2 years younger and one 14 years younger
T - Time you wake up - anywhere from 2am to 10am depending on insomnia
U - Underwear - Yes, I wear underwear
V - Veggie you dislike - brussel sprouts...ick
W - What makes you run late - My husband
X - X-rays you've had - many, just had one 2 weeks ago
Y - Yummy food you make - I make a great bowl of cereal
Z - Zoo animal - No, I'm not one but if I could be one...a giraffe

There you have it.

Happy Monday, god damn it.

Oh, and don't ask about the color differences, I had nothing to do with it, and after 5 minutes of fucking around to get it right...it still kept coming up, as you see it. Obviously, my blog wants control of it's own color palette.

It's summer!! Oh shit, I have to be a parent...

2009-06-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

Today is the beginning of our first official full week of summer!! Yippee!! (for those of you who are confused...we had 4 snow days to make up at the end of the school year)

I had all these plans of working with the girls Monday thru Friday from 9am to 10am each morning. Keeping school fresh in their minds, with some reading and worksheets. I'd even been preparing them for this summer school 'work' for over a month..."Remember Girls, Monday thru Friday from 9am to 10am we're going to be studying!!".

Of course, the operative word being had.

As I barely opened half an eyelid at 8:47am this morning, I knew I was totally screwed.

The dog was dancing around the kitchen because no one had taken him out to pee.
One of the cats had an 'accident' in my youngest's bedroom because someone had closed the bathroom door downstairs...oops.
Nothing but the will of God was going to separate me from my bed.

We definitely weren't off to a great start.

So I made an official parental decision at 8:48am this morning...

"Effective immediately, Mommy's Summer School will not be starting until Mommy is good and damn ready!"

There were cheers heard all around...including my own.

I'm such a shitty mom.

I'll always remember you...

2009-06-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

It’s okay, he said.

I’m scared, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

You’re in pain, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

You’ll die, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

I need you, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

I’ll miss you, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

I love you, I said.

I know.

11.28.07

There's been a slight delay...

2009-06-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

To my poor neglected readers:

I know you guys have just been holding your breath for the next corgi/sock monkey video, however a few small delays have popped up...

My daughter was not cooperating this last weekend.
Said highly uncooperative daughter told me that our corgi felt stupid wearing a sock monkey on his back. Really? When did he tell you that?
My husband was busy finishing our back patio and didn't have time to shoot the video.
I don't know how to work the video camera, a.k.a. the cell phone.
School is out this Wednesday for both girls and there was much 'end of school year' celebrating going on this weekend.
I was far too lazy.

So there you have it, my lame excuses. Please forgive me. I'll do my best to force everyone to bow to the needs of my blog's readers and make the video.

Sincerely,

MG

Corgi torture or sock monkey torture, you decide...

2009-06-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

This last weekend, my youngest (with the help of her father) put a saddle on our poor dog and strapped my sock monkey to him.

Ride, sock monkey ride!!!!

I can't decide who is torturing who.

Where is your 'good manner' filter when you need it?

2009-05-31T11:17:00.000-07:00

Before my family moved up to Washington, we lived in a small coastal town smack in the middle of California.

Our town was a unique mixture of retirees, young families...and of course, our never ending onslaught of tourists, who were never prepared for endless foggy and drizzly weather.

"Hey, this is the beach in California...isn't it supposed to be sunny?"

Anyhoo, besides being a full time mother, wife, classroom parent, active community member, I volunteered some time at one of our local retirement communities. And even though I've volunteered at many retirement homes, this one was unlike any other.

Situated more like a college campus. This retirement community was set up with a series of apartments, cottages, activities centers, library, chapel, hospital, administration offices and cafeteria (pseudo-restaurant style).

And just like a college campus, there were places where the 'cool' kids hung out, the outcasts and the jocks and prom queens.

Some of the women even appear to be holding court, with their circle of friends (admirers). It was and still is very click-y. If you're in the 'in' crowd you're greeted, hugged, talked to, etc... and if you're in the 'outs' you are ignored, shunned, looked down upon, etc...

It's totally ridiculous and reminds me more of jr. high school than college.

There's a never-ending rumour mill.

The ratio of men to women is always lopsided.
Women live longer than men...but of those men that do live past 75...ooooooh baby, they are in demand. I imagine as in demand as a glass of ice tea in hell.

I've never seen such heavy flirting than when a single 80 year old man walks into the hobby room. He's practically mobbed by the other single 'ladies', and the married ones too. The 45 year old Pastor isn't even off limits to these ladies.

You can only imagine the changes that have occurred worldwide with the invention of the 'Viagra' pill. Unfortunately, just like college, STD's are making their way through our retirement communities as well.

But that's not the point of my story.

For those of you that don't 'hang' with the local over 75 crowd. You haven't begun to notice the slight changes that occur with our elderly.

Namely, the loss of their 'good manner' filter.
I call it a 'good manner' filter because most of us have and use a filter to keep ourselves from saying what we are really thinking.

And because their hearing is going, when they 'whisper' these not-so-nice comments, I can hear them from across the room. Literally.

"Did you she what Mildred is wearing? Talk about slutty!"

Often, I have to remind the 'ladies' that we need to use our manners...and our in-door voice.

It's not polite to tell Doris that she'd,

"Better get her fat ass out of your chair!"

As one lady told me, she'd been married to a pastor for over 45 years, she'd done her time and the way she figured it, she was done with being nice.

"I did 'nice' for 45 years...I'm tired."

And she's one of the nice ones.

No more dog biscuits, Mom...

2009-05-21T09:40:00.001-07:00

My youngest asked me yesterday whether I was going to feed her dog biscuits for an after school snack like I did with the neighbor kids.

Ha.ha.ha. Her sense of sarcasm is already well tuned for a 10 year old.

I'd forgotten I'd posted about that nearly a year ago, before I really had any readers.

So, for those of you who didn't hear the story the first time....here it is again.

Maybe you'll get a laugh about it today.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
May 3, 2008

A few weeks ago the kidlets had their parent/teacher conferences. Which now a days means three days home from school. I certainly don't remember getting to stay home during conference week when I was a kid. Every time I sneeze the kids are home from school for an in-service day, holiday, snow day, teacher catch-up day...I'm not kidding.

My neighbor was kind enough to watch my monkeys when I had conferences, and likewise I looked after her three monkeys when she had hers.

It had been awhile (7+ years) since I'd had a 2 yr. old in the house for more than ten minutes. ...and I tried to do the "mom" thing and put out some snacks. I had a wide array of cut up fruit, crackers, juice, little gingerbread cookies, etc... Three kids descended on my snacks and I was feeling quite good about keeping them entertained and fed.

My youngest comes skipping into the kitchen and surveys the snack spread and in the LOUDEST voice ever asks,

"Mooooooom, why are you feeding the neighbor kids dog treats?"

What?

My monkey picks up the bowl of gingerbread men cookies and says,

"Mom, these are for the dogs!"

What?

I'm not kidding, these kids had been sitting for five minutes eating what was apparently the dog's organic "cookies".

One of the kids finally pipes up and says,

"Oh, no wonder those tasted so bad!"

Thank God her kids were laughing.

I was mortified. I mean, if I'd fed my monkeys the dog treats...then hey, fine...no big deal...but we've only lived in our neighborhood for 10 months. This was the first time our neighbor had trusted me w/her kids and I go and feed her kids dog food.
And then it occurred to me...who are these kids?

How come no one piped up and said, "These are horrible!"

My kids don't hesitate to give anyone their unsolicited opinion.
Who were these nice, well-mannered children that continued to eat crap...organic crap to boot.

90 minutes later I had their mother rolling on the floor.

See, I knew we moved into the right neighborhood.

Getting back to politics...

2009-05-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

Last week I was disappointed to read that the bill to put a 15% interest cap on credit cards was voted down on the senate floor.

Just out of curiosity I checked to see how my state senators voted on this, what I consider to be a very important consumer rights bill.

And low and behold my two democratic state senators voted no. WTF?

Interested in seeing how your state senator's voted? Check it out here.

Extremely disappointed that the two senators I voted into office (renewed their terms actually) didn't consider this bill important to their Washington state constituents, I wrote them an e-mail telling them of my total disappointment and displeasure with their 'no' vote.

I don't know about you but earlier this year our WaMu credit card rate suddenly and without notice jumped from 12.99% to 24.99% and then last month jumped to 25.99%...again without warning.

My husband immediately called the WaMu customer service line and questioned them about the sudden jump in interest, especially when we always pay on time, have less than 20% of used available credit on the card.

Their response?

So sorry, 24.99% is the only interest rate we offer our customers. Really? We just got a flyer in the mail saying you offer as low as 7.99% in interest. We have excellent credit, don't you want our business?

Actually no, they don't want our business.
When my husband said we were going to shred our WaMu card, the customer service rep said, "Well Mr. XYZ, if that's your plan, please go ahead."

"Obviously, you don't value our business?" my husband asked.

Crickets is all we got on the phone...and than a...

"Is there anything else we can help you with today, Mr. XYZ?"

I guess you could say we weren't that surprised by WaMu's response.
And instead of shredding the cards, I simply paid off the balance and put the cards in an envelope and put it in with other receipts and documents.

Some credit card companies charge as much as 41% interest.
Now in the world I grew up in, those rates were considered loan sharking rates.

What's happened?
And why does the Senate allow the bank industry to apply pressure RIGHT THERE ON THE SENATE FLOOR AS SENATORS ARE VOTING?????

I know you all have busy days and busy schedules...especially Jay with his, 'chick flick-a-day marathon this month.

However please take the time to e-mail your state senators and remind them who they are working for. I'm fairly sure the banks are still making billions on a 15% interest rate cap.

You can find their web addresses here.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear.

Sincerely,

MG

Restarting Lyme treatment...

2009-05-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately.

I've restarted my lyme treatment after 3 months sans meds (only taking immune support medication).

Lyme treatment is tricky. Just when you start to feel better, you get hit in the gut with nausea, migraines, bone-aching fatigue, increasing joint pain, etc...

I used to think my immune system was crap, but now I realize how hard it continues to work for me.

I started my new malaria med (Lariam) two weeks ago, and so far I'm handling it well.
As many Lyme patients know, starting a new med can be quite scary...serious side effects, herxing, medication overload, etc...

This co-infection is in the same family as malaria...and currently is the most debilitating of my parasitic infections.

For my readers who don't understand Lyme disease and how widespread it actually is, this June an amazing documentary, Under Our Skin will be opened in wide release across the country.

So please look for it at your nearest theater.
I'm excited because our local Lyme support group will be sponsoring a showing at our local indie theater this summer.

Once the information gets out there, maybe the Lyme Controversy will die down.

All I ask is... if I'm going to hallucinate on this medication that it include Hugh Jackman.

Who knows maybe my husband will get lucky again.

Panic attacks and bald spots...

2009-05-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my 10 year was getting ready for school and as I was helping her with her jacket and backpack I noticed her eyebrows seemed all askew. I made a mental note of it and then was distracted by the dog throwing up on the kitchen floor.

Next morning, I pulled a classic "mom" move and licked my fingers and tried to smooth out her eyebrows. To my horror, I noticed that her eyebrows weren't mussed up at all, they had two huge bald spots on both eyebrows.

My 10 year is pulling out her eyebrows.

It took awhile for me to understand the situation. She's always been a high stress girl. Easily upset, quick to cry, feelings hanging from her sleeve. My biggest worry had always been that she'd be a nail biter like I was. Eyebrow pulling wasn't even on my radar.

Last month she had her first real full blown panic attack. She honestly thought she was dying and begged me to call 911. It took 30 minutes and more than a few squirts of 'rescue remedy' to get her to calm down.

My poor poor girl. There is nothing a ten year old girl should be so worried about that she's hurting herself.

I immediately called the school counselor who's been very helpful this year and made an appointment to see her and the district psychologist.

Hubby and I bought some squeezy things and a rubbing stone for her to keep in her pocket for when she feels stressed...hopefully they will help. A few wisps of hair are growing back...ever so slowly.

On a scarier note: My oldest is learning how to drive. When did I get sooooo old?

On a happier note:

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mother's out there!!
It's the hardest job in the world and we all deserve hazard pay.

Year One and counting....

2009-05-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

I remember a year ago I felt such a strong need to get my little voice out there and be heard.

Now that it's a year later, I'm not sure I've accomplished much...

even if that's the case, I'm still having a good time doing it.

In the meantime, I've met other bloggers, such as myself who feel the need to be heard. Some are liberals like me, and some are just hilarious and a real joy to read.

So if you've missed these other reads, please check them out...especially Jay.
He's taken on an almost herculean task of posting a chick flick movie review everyday this month. I don't envy him one bit.

Happy One Year Anniversary Monkey Girl!

Oooooooh, someone needs a manicure.

Standing up for your beliefs...

2009-04-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

Krys said, "Ok, that's my soapbox. I know most of what you wrote was probably just in jest, but I can't lie, it kind of hurt my feelings and then just left me mad. I was just going to not say anything, but honestly, one thing I've learned from reading your blog is to stand up and speak when someone is doing something you disagree with. So, I did."

If you want to read her entire comment please look here.

Yes, you're right, I lot of what I said was tongue and cheek, however, there's truth behind what I said.

You're reaction was exactly what I was expecting...eventually, but because your comment came so late I wanted to bring attention to your views, so we could discuss them. Your comments are valid and I do respect you speaking your mind.

First, let me point out that my feelings on Texas are my point of view, my opinions, my prejudices...and as I said, I own that. 100%.

Secondly, I think you made my point. Texans are very 'protective' about their state and I'm intrigued by this. Californians get shit everyday, in person, on the news, etc...and I'm not personally offended by people's comments or opinions. And I can tell you, that comes from age.

I can't begin to tell you the nasty comments or hand gestures when I moved to Washington...and still had California license plates. OOOOOH, the nastiness, but when I got new plates, all of a sudden I was just another Washingtonian...no one could tell the difference, I was just another bad Washington driver. :) I was even warned by a former Washingtonian that I might get people telling me...to my face...to go back to California.

I'm going to turn 41 this year and I learned years ago you can't change people. They are who they are, take it or leave it.

My Texan relatives are kind, loving people...to me. They are, however, an enigma to me. They love me, but don't like my 'California' ways. They love me, but want me to be different, more Texan I believe.

As a (relatively native Californian), I'm confounded by their hair, make-up, ability to not recycle, openly verbal prejudices, etc... . I love them but don't like their behavior.

So, as far as my comments, I own them. However, some of what I said was fact, and I'd like to acknowledge that.

Texas is #1 in teenage pregnancies. That's a fact.

Texas does have hanging trees. Fact. And I'm surprised that your Texas History Professor doesn't own up to that fact. Now I'm intrigued by your comment about some 1970's legislation to cut down all hanging trees, because they obviously didn't.

This is a sign to the hanging tree in Coldspring, Texas.
I've seen this sign and another direction sign to this Hanging Tree on our way to visiting a relative.

This is the hanging tree in Kyle, Texas, photo taken in 2001.

There is actually a web page that gives you all the historical information about Texas' hanging trees and map directions on how to get to them.

Like I said, these are historical tourist attractions. I've seen them. They DO exist.

I appreciate your point of view and hope you can understand mine. I'm not ignoring the fact that California has a lot of similar problems, but that wasn't the point of my post.

Like I said, I'm expressing my point of view, my experiences, my opinions.
I have to find humor in my situation. If I didn't, I would truly lose it.

No more green...

2009-04-22T20:14:00.001-07:00

Sorry about the obnoxious bright green background.

I thought I'd try something new, but all it did was give me a headache.

Sorry,

MG

Might as well let it all hang out....

2009-04-20T19:06:00.000-07:00

Below is a list from James Moore's Huffington Post blog yesterday. As long as we're bashing the lone star state, I thought I'd pass on these juicy little nuggets.

Here are a few embarrassing tidbits about Texas that Rick Perry doesn't want the rest of the nation to know so he can start planning his little fantasy of national politics.

1) 49th in teacher pay
2) 1st in the percentage of people over 25 without a high school diploma
3) 41st in high school graduation rate
4) 46th in SAT scores
5) 1st in percentage of uninsured children
6) 1st in percentage of population uninsured
7) 1st in percentage of non-elderly uninsured
8) 3rd in percentage of people living below the poverty level
9) 49th in average Women Infant and Children benefit payments
10) 1st in teenage birth rate
11) 50th in average credit scores for loan applicants
12) 1st in air pollution emissions
13) 1st in volume of volatile organic compounds released into the air
14) 1st in amount of toxic chemicals released into water
15) 1st in amount of recognized cancer-causing carcinogens released into air
16) 1st in amount of carbon dioxide emissions
17) 50th in homeowners' insurance affordability
18) 50th in percentage of voting age population that votes
19) 1st in annual number of executions

Now there's a list to be proud of.

Good 'ole health care politics...

2009-04-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

"'The uninsured do not provide political benefit for the aid you give them', said Robert Blendon, a professor of health policy and political analysis at the Harvard School of Public Health. 'That's one of the dilemmas in getting all this money. If I'm in Congress, and I help out farmers, they'll help me out politically. But if I help out the uninsured, they are not likely to help members of Congress get re-elected.'"

-Robert Blendon, Professor, Harvard School of Public Health

See, that's good 'ole politics at work. Classic.

It also gives a perfect example of the attitude in America today, i.e... what's in it for me?

Isn't keeping Americans healthy and insured satisfaction enough? Apparently, not. Politicians need an incentive to help us poor lowly taxpayers, i.e. $$$$$$$.

A little over a decade ago Taiwan didn't have universal health care. The heads of state, health minister (and I'm guessing other important country leaders) decided to look into other countries (Germany, France, UK, Japan) and analyze their universal health care and try to apply it to their country and perhaps avoid any hiccups along the way. It took ten years, but now every man, woman and child in Taiwan have health care. You can read about it here.

Taiwan population 22,974,347 (July 2009 est)
Japan population 127,078,679 (July 2009 est)
Germany population 82, 329,758 (July 2009 est)
France population 64,057,792 (July 2009 est)

=296,440,576

United States population 307,212,123 (July 2009 est)

I feel pretty confident that if the United States wanted to provide a universal health care system that was non-profit, they could. These other countries have been doing it for decades.

It's not a matter of whether we can afford...because we can. If there are $1.3 trillion dollar slush funds...if my property taxes are going to build a (as in singular) $500,000 dollar tennis court for the local high school...etc....

It's a matter of waste....and those who get rich off the teat of America's taxpayers.
The U.S. government treats us (the taxpayers) as if we were a bank that is apparently run by your idiot uncle.

And not your idiot-savant uncle, either.

Me bad...tsk. tsk...

2009-04-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

I was scolded the other day by a fellow liberal blogger, that my comment, "Texas was the crotch rot of the United States" wasn't very 'open-minded'.

Granted, he/she is right, 100%, but I'd like a chance to explain how and why I've come to that conclusion.

First, let me clue you in on the little, tiny, tiny, tiny, little secret.
I grew up in Northern California all except for 6 months.

See, I was born in Texas. Shhhhh, don't say it too loud, I don't want others to know.
It's true, after 6 months, my mother moved us to Southern California (Shhhh, another secret) and then when I was 5 we moved to Northern California.

So, in reality, I've always considered myself a native Californian.
What's so important about the first six months of anyone's life?
You nurse, poop, cry and sleep...that's about it.

Most of my closest friends don't even know I was born in....Texas.
Alright I said it. There it's out in the open for all to know. Ick.

So, as you can imagine, I have family in Texas...biological family.
And I've been there many many times...all over the state.
No, I have not met every single person who lives in Texas, but just how people form opinions of Californians, I've formed my own opinions of Texas.
And here is what I do know...

Texans are very open about their prejudices. Very open and very verbal. In public.

Texas is the only state I know where 'state pride' is HUGE and in my opinion, a wee bit misplaced.

First time I saw a 9 month pregnant woman smoking...out in the open was in Texas at a family reunion. Another distant relative lit her cigarette. How nice, I didn't know it was the 1970's.

Many many Texan towns have a, 'hanging tree'.

Those 'hanging trees' are labeled as tourist attractions. I'm not joking, white people get their picture taken in front of the 'hanging tree'. Just knowing that information, nauseates me.

I've never seen more trash (literal bags of trash). I don't understand this. I've asked, and most responses were that they didn't want to pay for garbage pick-up/service.

Single-wide trailers supported by cinder blocks are VERY popular.

Some Texans (not all) look down on white-collar employment. Don't ask me why.

They ask you first thing where you're from. Once they found out I was a Californian it went down hill from there....why aren't you tan? Don't you surf? Why aren't you blonde?

Hair spray is used in abundance. Screw global warming.

More than one Texan (and not just relatives) told me I needed to take more pride in my appearance and wear make-up. I asked if chapstick was considered make-up . "Ah Honey, you just look cute as a button, IF you'd just put a little rouge and some lipstick."

Teenage pregnancy is rampant in Texas. I guess abortion isn't a consideration...but living off the state is.

Watch out, if you aren't affiliated with a church...preferably one with a TV evangelist, you could be banned from society.

Are these gross exaggerations? Not really.

Will I have hell to pay for my opinions? I'm sure. I'm thick-skinned, let it rip.

They say once a Texan always a Texan, it's in your blood, well, I beg to differ, I've since had a blood transfusion.

Update:
Below is a little link and quote from today's Huffington Post which I thought was appropriate for all those pro-Texas pride people.

You can read about it here, it's worth a look and a laugh.

"If I owned Texas and hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in hell." - U.S. Gen. Phillip Sheridan, 1866

It's ok to be the black sheep...

2009-04-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

This Flensted mobile hangs from our dining room light fixture.
It's a favorite of mine.

It's not easy to try to teach a fifteen and a half year old that it's ok to be different.

That different can be beautiful.

At this point, I hope she'll even be speaking to me by the time she's 25...

I can hope.

End of Week Bits and Pieces...

2009-04-05T17:49:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to report that my 'profile views' number has been stuck at 1300 for days...and it's really irritating me. My site meter tells me I've had more that 100 website views this week but it's not registering. I find it a tad annoying. Plus out of those 100 views, approximately 50 of them are looking for porn...I find that a bit irritating also. Vain, I know but irritating none the less.

Our spring break this last week was incredibly relaxing until this afternoon when the shit hit the fan. I can't go into a lot of detail, but I'm hoping my teenage daughter will learn a valuable lesson that she'll remember for the rest of her life.

We've all been there really, and it can be a tough lesson to learn.

In today's world, as opposed to when I was growing up in the 70's and early 80's, gossip is HUGE. It's a lucrative business. It's in newspapers, magazines, tv, the internet, etc... And it's lethal...we all heard about the fucking beyond-idiot mother who created a myspace page and invented a teenage boy 'persona' in order to bad mouth some poor teen who then committed suicide.

Well, my teen and one of her low-life friends passed on a rumor involving some adults(friends of parents, etc)...and that rumor has come around to bite her in the ass, BIG TIME. We had one of the parents calling this afternoon to say they don't want my daughter anywhere near their kids, family, etc....and to tell you the truth, I don't blame them.

I'm not one of those parents that protects my kid at any cost. If she does something wrong and/or irresponsible...I'll be the first to hold her accountable. I don't make up excuses to get her out of trouble. She's going to have to 'face the music' and ask for forgiveness and make retribution all on her own.

My realization is that, as much as I've tried to do my very best, she's her own person and has to learn her lessons just like anyone else. It's my job that she learns these lessons...not to 'soften' the blow. She needs to see the seriousness of the aftermath she's created just from a few chosen words. I thought my poor husband was going to blow a blood vessel, he's so pissed.

Many think gossip is harmless. Maybe you stand at the check-out line and see the headlines of the rag magazines and think nothing of it, but these days, teenagers see these and think it's all just entertainment. They watch all this reality tv and think it's cool to create all this drama and have cat fights with other girls. They go to school and think creating drama is funny and/or entertaining....hey, everyone's doing it, right?

Unfortunately, what I'm seeing is parents who have adult conversations in front of their teens and pre-teens, and don't realize that these kids are absorbing it all in...every word. When I'm talking with my girlfriend, I kick my kids out of the room. My business is none of my teens business. I'm 41, she's 15. I'm not stupid, I know she's got her antenna up and trying to listen in on all my personal business. Sure, she hears me bitch about our neighbor who lets their dog shit in our yard and terrorize the neighbor kids...and I think that's where the confusion can start. Adult business is adult business, and not for teenage ears.

I hope it penetrates through her thick skull, because I'm not seeing a lot of understanding of the consequences of her behaviour.

Arg. She's only 15, and I'm already tired. No wonder my mom was so tired by the time my little sister was a teenager. Honestly, she could have gotten away with murder, my mother was so burnt out of parenting.

Someone please pass the valium...and quickly, god damn it!

Shit I have and haven't done....

2009-03-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

Bold is what I have done...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld/Disneyland...both actually
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped...not on your life
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (I am adopted, does that count?)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied …not anymore, though
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance …more than a few times, too!
47. Had your portrait painted by a well known artist, too!
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving...no thanks, I don't have a death wish
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt...by hand during 6 months pregnancy bed rest....boring
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job...quit many, though
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone …does fractured count?
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating…lobster, and it was gooooooood!!
88. Had chickenpox …at 16 and it sucked
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous …bumped into Robin Williams in SF at a toy store
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby …two, even
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

54 out of 99...not too bad

Too bad this isn't France....

2009-03-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

WARNING: Below is a lengthy bitch session...if you're not interesting in hearing me whine don't proceed and come back another day when I'm not so fucking grumpy.

We all make choices in life. I get that.

When I got married in 1992, my husband and I knew that we wanted a family.

We also knew, the sooner the better. I experienced fertility issues and my doctors told us I'd be in better shape to 'procreate' at a younger age as my eggs were rapidly aging prematurely. My 20 year old reproductive system was as my OB/GYN so eloquently put it, "Looked like the insides of a 40 year old woman experiencing menopause...your eggs don't look all that fertile, honey. They look old."

Ahh, I have old eggs...who knew.

No problem, we thought, better to have those puppies early, right? Raise them, love them, kick them out while we're still relatively young, then we can do what we want. Right?

A year later we had our first monkey....five years later we had our last monkey.

Two monkeys is enough.

What's your point Monkey Girl? Where are you going with this utterly boring post, you ask?

Here's the deal.

Because we chose that I would stay home and raise the monkeys...i.e. not work for pay, I haven't earned any (hardly any) social security credits. Sure I worked before I was married, and off and on (a little) after but obviously not enough.

Because in the good old U. S. of A. being a stay at home mom isn't work.
Apparently I'm laying around doing nothing, watching Charmed reruns and eating bon-bons.

So here I am at 41 and rapidly realizing I'm more disabled with each passing day. My kids are older and the economy is in the tank and now I probably SHOULD go back to work.

However, I've had a fever of anywhere from 99.5 to 101.5 for the LAST FIVE YEARS. With that comes, of course bone aching fatigue, muscle and joint pain, neurological issues (hey, who doesn't?) and many other weird symptoms that plague my everyday life.
Lately the ringing/buzzing in my left ear that's made my want to go 'Van Gogh' on it's ass.

So what to do...what to do?
Consider applying for disability? Yeah, right.
Boy, do I wish I was born in France.

Who knew there were so many sick bastards?

2009-03-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine?

One morning, I open the front door...me face to face with obviously a government employee...maybe FBI or CIA.

Why, you ask?

"Miss Monkey Girl, we need access to your computer. We've reports that you have information that might help us in our search for sexual predators."

The above encounter is fictional, but I'm waiting for the day, especially after I read this sweet little article.

How sad. Who knew it was such a problem...who knew?

ME! I did!
At least 40% (rough estimate, I didn't actually run the numbers) of the people who visit my little web page are actually searching for images, stories, whatever, of girls having sex with monkeys, specifically.

Just this week, the enquirers were from...

Madrid, Spain
Katowice, Poland
Quebec, Canada
Changsha, China
Royal Oak, Michigan
Cortlandt Manor, New York
New Delhi, India
Ptrai, Greece
Boron, California
Mo I Rand, Norway
Washington DC
Joelton, Tennessee
Kabul, Afghanistan (Government Communication Network-District Community) US Army, maybe? You decide.

Some are mildly intelligent and their IP addresses are unknown, but for the most part I'm shocked at the actual numbers of people that are making these searches at their work.

Hello people?
Do we have too much time on our hands?
What happened to just regular old porn?

I guess Playboy and Hustler is just too tame for these people.

P.S. For my readers who are looking for 'monkey girl sex pictures'...FYI - my existential drama isn't related to my sex life.

On a Girl Scout cookie high...

2009-03-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

Almost sounds like a John Denver song, doesn't it?

Our Girl Scout cookies were finally delivered this last week.

I ordered 8 boxes and if I'm not mistaken we might be down to two boxes.
Just for the record, that's 6 boxes of cookies in 4 days.

Thin mints, samoas, shortbread, lemon creme....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

We order every year. Promptly plow through the boxes and then restock our supply by lurking about outside the Safeway, waiting for the girls to show up to sell off the rest of the unsold boxes.

I feel a trip to Safeway, coming on.

Nothing better than laying in bed, English football on the telly (Go Liverpool!), eating girl scout cookies with a huge glass of milk.

Simple pleasures.

UPDATE SUNDAY MORNING: They're all gone. gone. gone...and there were no girls outside the Safeway yesterday! I can feel the withdrawals already starting.

Hey, look at me...I got a bloggy thing-a-ma-jig

2009-03-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

Hey, look at me, someone thinks I'm swell! How very sweet.

Obviously, they don't know me very well, or had a hard time coming up with seven blogs to honor.

So, Little Miss Sera Sarah tells me I've got to...

A. Pass on the love to seven other blogs.

B. Let them know they're great, fabulous and wonderful, blah, blah, blah.

C. List 10 things that are 100% completely honest about yourself. Now there's a challenge!

So here's my list....

Currently, I'm addicted the Smarties. Since Valentine's Day I eat at least 6-8 rolls of Smarties a day...AT LEAST. I'm addicted, literally and need help, is there a 12-step program?
I'm an incredibly lazy housekeeper, but suffer from many OCD issues. Don't ask, it's complicated.
Van Morrison is a genius and I'm a better person for listening to his music. Into the Mystic will change your life.
I was a "late bloomer" and went from a 36B to a 38D in college. Hello, whose boobs are these?
I love my kids, but can't wait till they leave for college.
I secretly own and love the movie, St. Elmo's Fire. Please don't think less of me.
I slept with my (eventual) husband after knowing him for 3 days. Geesh, I was a slut.
I have a god-given gift for interior design but refuse to flush it out because I don't want to deal with rich clients with god-awful bad taste. It would be my worst nightmare come true.
I play the piano and have since the first grade.
I once broke it off with a guy because he was a horrible kisser. I mean really bad.

There you go, all out there for all to see.

Now for the next part...the seven blogs I just adore.

Thoughts from a Liberal Mom

Momma Politico

Sedated Gorilla

Genius Pending

La Mom - an American mom in Paris

A Girl and Her Life

Parlez-vous moo?

These are blogs I read daily. They make me smile. They make me laugh. They make me think.

Check them out, if you don't already know them.

FYI...to the seven blogs I posted, PLEASE do not feel the need to continue what I consider to be the likes of a 'chain-letter'...unless you feel like playing!

Back to politics....

2009-03-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

Nothing ruffles my monkey fur more than politicians trying to take away a woman's reproductive rights...except for maybe pulling the plug on funding for low-income women who are in need of such healthcare.

"Each year Title X enables family planning health centers to provide reproductive health care services to five million women — helping them plan pregnancies, prevent sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, and detect breast and cervical cancer."

Once again, Title X is under attack.

It's easy to get distracted with our economy and I believe that is just what good 'ole Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter is hoping will happen.

Please take a moment and join PP's fight for our reproductive rights and so much more.

It's fast and easy and makes a statement.

Planned Parenthood e-mails me weekly and makes it easy for me to keep up with current women's rights issues and easy links to write to your local state representative.

Hey, I just got an e-mail from Senator Murray this morning thanking me for reminding her of the importance of Title X.

It may not seem like much, but it keeps OUR issues in the minds of OUR elected officials.

Long time coming...

2009-03-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

This post has been a long time coming...

It's been almost 9 years since my biological father walked back into my life, via a private investigator.
You see, my biological father went off to fight in Vietnam and when he returned to the states my biological mother had given me up to the state of California.

It's a long story and as most long stories go it doesn't have a fairy-tale ending. It's has a realistic ending where the biological mother walked away from her children and where the biological father chose to let the state of California raise his children.

They both simply walked away.

As I grew up I often thought of my biological mother, but rarely gave any thought to my biological father. Over the years, I often referred to him as the 'sperm donor'. I never thought there was a space for him in my life. No vacancy here.

My brother and I were eventually adopted but only after years of living in foster care.

So when I got that call in early March 2000, needless to say, I was speechless.

Our current relationship is a strained one.

You see, I already had a father.

A father who taught me to ride a bike.
A father who brushed my hair and kissed me good night.
A father who gave me his sense of humor.
A father who taught me to play the piano.
A father who took me to get my driver's license.
A father who never left me and loved me unconditionally.
A father who passed away almost 16 years ago.
A father who doesn't need replacing.

I was a Daddy's Girl. 100%

He simply can't be replaced.

A heart doesn't recognize biology.

What is it about Germans and Bestiality?

2009-02-27T08:14:00.000-08:00

First, let me confess...it took me at least 10 minutes to figure out how to correctly spell 'bestiality'. It's not a word I use everyday, you know.

To tell you the truth I thought it started out beast...

Anyhoo, on with the point of my story.

Once a week, I get a report from Sitemeter. Sitemeter is an interesting little tool.
It tells me things like...

where my readers are from...country, state, city, planet
what my readers are reading
how long my readers are on my website
which site referred my readers to me
AND
AND
AND
what my readers are looking for...when they are SEARCHING GOOGLE

Now this is where is gets more than a little gross and creepy.

No where, I mean, NO WHERE in my imagination, when I started this blog and decided on it's name did I even imagine people would be searching for...

"Monkeys and Girls having Sex"

At least once a week, someone (and usually from Germany, don't ask me why) is searching Google for this....and it leads them to my blog. WTF?

Where in the title, A Monkey Girl's Existential Drama, does it imply you'll see pictures of monkeys and women having sex?

Please enlighten me.

UPDATE:
Since posting this my Sitemeter has gone crazy with google searches regarding the above subject. I'm beginning to think I'm a lot more conservative than I previously thought.

Ick. Where's PETA when you need them?

I seriously don't want to know...

2009-02-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

There is a fine line between a little information and too much information.

Lately, I've been exercising some serious censorship in my life.

I used to be that person who watched news from morning til nite...liked to read The New York Times every morning from cover to cover.
The key word here is, "used to". Lately, I've noticed all this bad news is seeping into my subconscious.

I've always been a 'dreamer', literally. I dream every night...and yes, it is exhausting. I've noticed though, lately, that my dreams were less dreams and more nightmares. Psycho, scary nightmares. Stuff that wakes you up at 2am, sweaty and freaked out.

And it made me realize I don't need to know 'everything' that's going on in the world.
I'm not even sure I need to know everything that's going on in my own family.
I just can't know.

I've got one of those brains that once the information is in...it's in. I can't take it out.
I don't have a delete button.
It's there for life.
One of those photographic memory brains that slowly drives you insane...clinically.

Everyone in my immediate 'circle' knows I've been trying to censor my life.
I've made a point to tell people, so when I bump into them and they start telling me some horrific story, they'll stop and think, "Wait, that's right, Monkey Girl doesn't want to hear this".

So who do you think is having the most trouble with this?

That's right, you guessed it, my husband.

Two nights ago, right before going to bed and slipping between the sheets,

my husband says,

"Oh Honey, I forgot to tell you...last week at the high school back-to-school night, the Health Ed teacher told all the parents that oral chlamydia is going around the school."

"Nite, sleep tight."

Yeah right, you fucker sweet dreams to you too.

What gives?

2009-02-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

Jesus, I go on vacation for seven days and I loose readers? What gives?

Two of my minions flew the coup.

I guess they felt following my blog was...too dangerous?

Maybe I just misplaced them somewhere.

Thanks for all the cocktail suggestions. The weather in California was lovely, but I'm glad to be home. I've become a total slave to my temper-pedic bed...I just can't sleep without it. Literally.

But for now I'm just tired.
Promise more juicy news to follow...gone only seven days and my 15.5 year old has a boyfriend...it was bound to happen sooner or later.

I prefer later, though.

Taking a mini break...

2009-02-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I leave for a mini-vacation to help my girlfriend take a much needed break and celebrate her 40-something birthday.

So for the next six days it's all about lounging around, watching movies, drinking cocktails and sleeping late. I've been told I'm too keep the martini shaker shakin'.

I'm expecting to return with some kind of carpel tunnel injury.

If any of you have some new cocktail recipes that kick some serious ass, please submit below...

Teenager Update:

My "I don't need to study, how hard can it be?" teenager failed the written portion of the driver exam...twice.

Today's little survey...

2009-02-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

I really wanted to bash the new website started by the octuplets mom, begging for donations to help care for her 14 children.

But, I can't bring myself to do it. It's too sad.

So I'll ask you this...

If someone can pay $ 140,000.00 for in-vitro treatment, but now can't afford to care for her 14 children, (and get her master's degree at the same time)...

Would you donate on her website? Please add explanation, if necessary.

It's official, I'm an old lady...

2009-02-10T15:46:00.000-08:00

Look, here's the deal...

My oldest is getting her driving permit today. Arg...

I'm telling you, every time the car is sitting in the driveway she's going to be nagging me to take her out driving.

Nag. nag. nag.
I'm not looking forward to it.

I realize the girl's gotta learn how to drive, but I don't want her using my car to do it in.

She can barely walk down the stairs to the kitchen without running into the wall.

And if my kid is old enough to drive...that means I'm getting old.

Now that's determination...

2009-02-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

I got a giggle when I read this cute news story.

By now, I imagine she has a close relationship with the test administrator.

Maybe they'll throw her a party when she finally passes?

Take note, she's been failing the written portion of the exam...if/when she's passes it, I wonder which test administrator will volunteer to give her the driving portion of the exam.

Wonder if they'll draw straws for that honor (or horror), and/or clear the streets.

Deja vu...

2009-02-03T10:28:00.000-08:00

I'm having deja vu...

Is it just me?

2009-01-30T13:09:00.000-08:00

Seriously, is it just me, or does anyone else think having eight babies (all at once) is completely insane?

I take that back, not insane...but totally irresponsible.

I'm not kidding. I seriously question the sanity of the mother and more importantly, the ethics of the fertility doctor.

According to the LA Times, this women already has six kids. Count them, SIX. Why the hell is she having fertility treatment? After reading the article a couple times, I couldn't figure out whether this woman is even married...as the article states, "Her marital status is unknown". WTF?

Look, I'm liberal. Really liberal. But obviously, I'm getting old. I don't understand the logic of having so many kids. Isn't the world a bit over crowded? Unless, this woman is a multi-millionaire, how exactly is she going to pay for the care of this litter of babies, not including the other six children she already has.

Let's talk plainly, I gave birth to a preemie. She was born at 28 weeks and weighed 2 1/2 pounds. We were blessed, she had relatively none of the problems that come along with being born a preemie, meaning no long term developmental issues, no lung issues, no infections, etc... With that being said, her two month stay at the NICU cost our insurance company $250,000. And that was 15 years ago.

I suspect these 8 babies will be in the hospital for a minimum of 3 months, barring no complications. This woman's hospital bill will probably be upwards of 8 million dollars. Yep, that's right, $8 million big ones.

If a woman has meant to have a litter of children we'd all have four pairs of nipples.

UPDATE:

The following is from an AP Press release earlier today.

"The woman's fertility doctor has not been identified. The hospital has not released the mother's name, citing her desire for privacy. Suleman said her daughter is not married. It was not clear who the father of the babies is. Her six other children range in age from 2 to 7.

The mother of the octuplets lives with her parents in a modest, single-story home on a quiet cul-de-sac in Whittier, a Los Angeles suburb of about 85,000."

What kind of quack doctor gives in-vitro and/or fertility treatment to a single mother who lives with her parents and is already the mother of 6 kids?

Am I just being paranoid, or is there something seriously wrong with this story? The article continues on to state that her parents (with whom she lives) declared bankruptcy last year

Obviously, I'm a little old-fashioned. Unless they are living on a commune, I'd find it a wee bit difficult for a single mom to raise 14 kids, even with the help of her parents.

Help, my husband has fallen and can't get up...

2009-01-29T11:54:00.000-08:00

Well, he hasn't fallen but he did manage to throw his back out over the x-mas holiday.

No, not sex...you sickos, shoveling the fucking snow off our sidewalk. So, while your minds were in the gutter (at least mine was) he was literally in the gutter trying to keep our driveway and sidewalk clear. He didn't want any of the neighbor kids to slip and fall. The irony.

Now, he's always led me to believe he's the 'Man of Steel' but I'm starting to have my doubts. Maybe it's the hobbling around the house all hunched over like he's 80 instead of 41. Poor boy. I offered to get him a walker (tennis balls and all), but he promptly flipped me an obscene finger gesture. Guess the walker is out.

So, a week from Monday, I'm taking the old man to the Spinal Clinic in Seattle and hopefully they'll whip him back into shape. Literally.

So, sex is out for a little while, at least. I don't want to break the poor boy.

Until everyone can tie the knot...

2009-01-27T09:32:00.000-08:00

As a former Californian, I was disappointed and ashamed when Prop. 8 passed this last November.

I still sincerely don't understand why or how it passed.

Why do people want to keep others from marrying? I just don't get it.

I discovered a great website, WhiteKnot.org. I couldn't agree more with their statement.

"All loving couples deserve the same legal rights, benefits, and respect that civil marriage bestows."

Please visit their website and join the fight for marriage equality.

It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight, equality is the goal here.

Thanks for your support and this ends our public service announcement for today!

Every blogger is a little vain...

2009-01-24T12:19:00.000-08:00

And like any other cute little blogger, I love to hear from you, my readers.

Your comments make me smile, laugh and help me realize we're all in this together....literally, 'cause the next time my MIL comes for a visit you're all invited to my house for a party. You provide the mixer and I'll provide plenty of vodka.

I've added a little 'follow this blog' tag...see it there on the left?

So, for all my regular readers please add your cute little mug to my blog, and for those of you new comers, keep coming back, and I'll do my very best to give everyone a giggle now and then.

This way we can share the love.

I never said I was innocent...

2009-01-21T22:51:00.000-08:00

When my oldest turned one, I put on one of those cute fake tattoos on her shoulder before family and friends arrived for the big party. (It was a sunflower, by the way)

Why? Because, if just for a second, my mother-in-law thought it was real, I knew it would bother the hell out of her.

When the MIL was visiting one year, I hung a 'gay pride' flag from our house, just to confuse the shit out of her. Honestly, she probably didn't even know what a rainbow flag symbolized, but I didn't care. At least, I thought it was funny.

It may sound juvenile to you, but if I can't have fun with the whole, "I'm the crazy daughter-in-law" thing...then what's the point?

I knew I wasn't what she'd hoped for in a daughter-in-law.

I never belonged to a sorority.
I don't wear pearls or penny loafers.
I'm not a fan of hair spray....or a blow-dryer for that matter.
I'm not a WASP or a DAR.

So when her son brought home a Santa Cruz 'hippie' who...

Wore tie-dye long johns and Birkenstock's
Am probably more native to this country than her DAR ancestors.
Wore Ghugharu bells around my ankles.
Had some difficulty keeping my opinions to myself.

I'm sure she didn't know what to make of me. Surely, she was hoping I was just a rebellious stage her poor son was 'experimenting' with...

I thought she'd 'warm' to me in time.

I don't think I've ever been that wrong about something then or ever since.

Our Day has Come...

2009-01-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

The winds of change are here.

We now have a leader who is strong, eloquent and most of all...determined.

For the first time in 8 years I have hope for our country.

Hope is such a strong leader. It gives to us and guides us.

I can't wait for the changes that lay ahead.

Finally, we have a purpose.

To change. To improve. To become the best that we can be.

Yes, we can.

Back from the dead...

2009-01-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

My closest girlfriend calls me her 'orchid'.

Although, I can be bright (loud), colorful (obnoxious) and sometimes just plain unruly (my roots hang out everywhere), I have the body of an orchid.

Meaning, my body is frail, delicate and sometimes just plain finicky, i.e. don't water me too much or parts of my body will shrivel up and fall off onto the dining room table.

I find it completely frustrating.

The bicillin injections my husband was giving me every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, finally took their toll on my body.

Aggressive Lyme treatment might not be in the cards for me. My poor body just can't take it. I meet with my doctors on Thursday to discuss alternatives...I'll keep you posted.

On to better news...

I got the sweetest invitation from a neighbor yesterday to attend a "swearing-in/inauguration" party the morning of January 20th. Mimosas, quiche, breakfast goodies, bloody mary's etc...it's going to be great!

Next Tuesday will be a day to celebrate!

Too dark and not nearly funny enough...

2009-01-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

Well, I deleted this morning's post, The Evil Mother-in-Law.

So for those of you that read it...yawn... and I'm sorry. I re-read it and it was too long, dark and smacked of the kind of bitterness that only I can have for my mother-in-law.

It was all true. Too, too true.
It was definitely one of the defining moments that instigated 'the shift' in my husband's relationship with his mother, but I realize now that, that it is his story to tell, not mine.

So, I'm sorry. I pulled it.

I can promise however, more mother-in-law stories that are funny, dark, sad and pitiful and perhaps less bitter.

The woman truly is piece of unfeeling, narcissistic work. Believe me, I should know.

Out with the old...in with the new

2009-01-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

It's officially 2009.

I could comment on how I think Bernie Madoff's $10,000 missing statue is really him pulling an OJ Simpson...trying to 'give away'(a.k.a. hide) his assets before the lawyers/auctioneers come a knockin'.

Or I could comment on my state's roaming 'border' checkpoints 150-200 miles from any US border in an effort to catch illegal aliens and wasting my taxpayer money.

Or I could complain about my teenager who argues with me daily over NOTHING.

Instead I think I'll wish everyone a wonderful Happy and Healthy New Year and thank you all for all the love and support this last year, it's been an interesting and entertaining ride.

Thank you for all the good (and bad) comments and thanks for coming back day after day to hear me bitch about my life and family. I promise to keep it entertaining for the next 12 months.

I haven't even starting bitching about my mother-in-law yet! I promise it'll be worth reading 'cause she's a piece of work. God knows how my husband turned out as close to normal as he did. A total fluke, I think.

Don't forget to check out my favorite reads...here, here and here.

Happy 2009!!

The Sandman visited me...

2008-12-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't been getting any good sleep lately.

I know this is a common complaint of many Lyme sufferers. It's been explained to me as the lyme bacteria and co-infection parasites keeping the body in constant warrior mode and therefore never letting my poor body get enough deep sleep to properly recuperate.

I like to think of it as...hundreds of millions little bugs circulating throughout my body constantly poking me with a big stick so I'm unable to sleep. Not a pleasant picture, but it works for me.

My little critters are having a royal party and totaling taking advantage of my hospitality.
Those little fuckers.

Well, my doctor finally prescribed me something to literally knock me out.

Last night, I took one of the pills.

Fast forward to this morning.

"Honey, did we have sex last night?"

"Yes, babe we did."

"Whaaaaaaaaaat, are you fucking kidding me?"

"Ahhhh, no."

"Was it good? Cause I don't remember a thing."

"You're joking, right?"

"No."

Apparently, I jumped my husband last night, ordered dvds and calendars from Barnes and Noble.com, and still got 10 hours of sleep.

And I don't remember a damn thing.

I can already hear my husband as he's shaking the pill bottle with a big cheesy grin,

"Here's your nightly pill, Honey, let me get you a glass of water."

Happy Holidays to all...

2008-12-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

We've been socked in with snow this entire week.
We're as close to sea level as you can get without getting wet, and yet, we got over a foot of fluffy white snow yesterday.

Lots of sitting by the fire.
Lots of games of monopoly and scrabble.
Lots of knitting.

It's wonderfully peaceful.

From my family to yours,

We wish you a wonderful holiday and a happy and healthy New Year.

Best Wishes for 2009,

Monkey Girl and her family

Taxpayers pay for CEO salaries and their erections...

2008-12-22T09:11:00.000-08:00

The following post is my response to my conservative reader(s). Instead of putting it in the comments section, I thought I'd make a post out of it... for all to read. I'm still baffled why conservative(s) would read liberal websites. I certainly don't lurk on conservative websites, however, reading is still legal here in America (for now) and I'm more than happy to entertain different points of view. I'm beginning to think my conservative lurker(s) are like my 4th/5th grade boyfriends who would kick me in the shins and then run off. They secretly like me but don't know it...why else would they stay?

So, before the mud slinging begins let me be clear...this is my blog.
Mine not yours. I have the ultimate control over it's content.
There will be NO references to abortion being murder. Period.
Abortion is still legal in the United States and therefore not murder.

If what I've said differs from your own beliefs, let me remind you, those are your beliefs. Calling a doctor/patient a murderer is slanderous. They have committed no crime.

I never planned on having an abortion discussion on my blog, however, Bush's new 'conscience' rule has raised many questions.

Dear Mr. Conservative,

The changes in health care will not affect just abortion...but that's all you hear/see. It's a little more complicated than that...but please keep over simplifying it.
Not all woman are in line for an abortion just like not all men are in line for Viagra. I don't like my tax-payer money helping some impotent CEO get an erection...but you don't hear me whining about it.
Since you have a penis and not a uterus, you'll never be in a position to make that kind of decision, will you? You can sit there and judge other's decisions, yet won't ever be in the position yourself. As far as I'm concerned you're feelings/judgments on the subject are irrelevant.

It's similar to the reason why my OB/GYNs have always been female (all my doctors for that matter). Men/Males have no understanding what women go through or how we work...literally. Don't advise me on anything you know nothing about. No one knows more about my body than me...and I prefer it to stay that way, thank you.
As far as knowing where all my doctors stand politically...why would that matter? It's not my place to ask such personal questions...and they don't advertise their political/religious leanings. And if they did, I'd question their reasons for doing so, it's inappropriate. Do you ask your local grocer about their political/religious leanings?
Just keep yourself isolated in your conservative cave, where you belong. That way you can pound your chest and drag your woman around by her hair and make all her decisions for her.

Sincerely,

A Very Adamant Pro-choice Girl

Small print: If you disagree with my views, please go ahead and start your own blog. It's free and no one is stopping you.

Lively discussion...

2008-12-19T13:34:00.001-08:00

We've had a few days of lively discussion. Good stuff really.

As much as I'd like to entertain a discussion about Bush's new "conscience" rule being applied to the Department of Health and Human Services...I just don't have the energy to discuss another chapter is Bush's rape of our constitutional rights.

Instead, I'd like to discuss separation of church and state. ha. ha.

Since the religious righties can't keep their opinions to themselves and feel they are the moral authority over us unenlightened misguided sinners, I think it's time we take our heads out of the sand and start pushing for church regulation. It's time we start to tax, license, regulate and treat religion like the business it is.

The churches are pushing these moral rules and regulations upon us just like any other drug pushing lobbyist would.

It's time to wake up and smell the money. The church's, of course.

Hey, that gives me an idea on how to save the economy!

Improving our American Image...

2008-12-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

How is this going to help American/Iraqi relations?

I'll admit I laughed when I heard about the reporter throwing a shoe at Bush.
Honestly, Bush was lucky it was only a fucking shoe.

But, come on people, the world is watching.
Beating the shit out of the reporter isn't going to win us any good will, for christ's sake.

Just a quick question...

2008-12-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

My husband and I were talking last night about the Wall Street bailout, auto industry bailout, CEO salaries, bonuses, basic ethics & morals, everything under the sun really.

So, now that we're all part owners of the big three auto industry...

Does this mean we all get the employee discount?

Just curious.

Just bend over and relax...

2008-12-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

Sooooo.....on Friday, I went in for my first (in a loooooong series) bicillin shot!!
Aren't you excited? Aren't you jealous??

These shots are supposed to be the 'big guns' to fight my Lyme infection. I opted for them instead of putting in a permanent IV. Seemed easier and less intrusive. 3 shots a week! Yippee!

So, the Hubby and I took the shot to my lyme doctor, so she could show him the ropes. Nothing is quite as satisfying as bending over, letting my doctor draw a big triangle on my ass with a sharpie and letting my husband poke me with a very large and very thick needle.

And you know what? I think he really enjoyed it.

Sick bastard. I just know he can't wait until Monday afternoon.

Jack Black is hysterical...

2008-12-03T12:14:00.000-08:00

Waking up to grim headlines every morning, can get a tad depressing.
It's time for a little fun.

Granted, it's still got a political spin, and I love it!!

You can watch it here.

Nothing puts a smile on my face like watching Jack Black play Jesus.

When is too much, too much?

2008-11-29T19:09:00.000-08:00

Is a tv worth someone's life?

Please someone explain it to me.
How can a crowd of people trample over someone all in the effort to buy more crap.

Only in America.

How many tvs does one person need?

When is enough, enough?

Please light a candle for his family tonight. No job should cost a life.

To be anonymous or not to be...

2008-11-28T21:32:00.000-08:00

That is the question...well, for some, but not for me.

Perhaps, if a stray college friend, roommate, relative, boyfriend, etc...read this blog they might be able to guess who I am. I've told real and true stories that the people involved would probably recognize. However, I'm guessing the chances of them coming across my little 'ole blog are pretty slim.

I guess I could have even kept it 100% anonymous so that even my husband wouldn't know, but where is the fun in that? Anyway, how would I explain the minutes, hours spent on the computer? I can't tell him I'm shopping the whole time. Or he might very well leave me for Tea Leoni, now that she's single and all.

I've known other bloggers who go through the same dilemma. How can you keep the stories vague enough so people won't recognize them.

This however, has never been my problem. See...I'm what you call a fairly confrontational person. I call it like I see it. If I'm mad at you (which rarely happens) you'll know it. You might not think it, but that keeps my life pretty drama free. I like drama free. There are no misunderstandings with me. What you see is what you get. I don't bad mouth anyone (except for maybe my husband)...unless it's warranted. I won't put up with people treating other people like shit. I won't put up with slanderous remarks, slurs, prejudices, etc... It might be novel, but I truly believe people should treat each other as they would want to be treated.

My father once told me, if you hear someone spouting off prejudices and say nothing, you are condoning their despicable behavior. To say or do nothing is as bad or worse than the behavior itself. When someone is being wronged, you cannot stand by and do nothing.
These are words to live by.

On a lighter note, my father also had a wicked sense of humor... taught me how to pull my brother's leg hair right off his leg when he tried to give me a wet willy or spit in my mouth. He liked to squeeze my hand so hard it hurt and would sing the Miss America theme song whenever I came into the kitchen on a Saturday morning.
I do miss him.

So except for my husband, who I'll bad mouth all I want...I think I'd like to stay anonymous for now.

What's in a name...

2008-11-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

I get a lot of questions...or comments on my name, Monkey Girl.

The best one yet was a fellow blogger asking if I'm hairy all over and love bananas.

No to both those questions, by the way.

Really the story behind the name is quite boring. It was a term of endearment my Father used to call me when I was a child. Now that he's gone I miss hearing it.
My favorite toy as a child was a sock monkey. Remember those?
I took my sock monkey everywhere, and when I left home for college oh so many years ago, my sock monkey came with me.
My sock monkey was very loved.
He had unique markings. One year, my baby alive's batteries exploded in my closet, poor sock monkey had the battery acid stains to prove it. Poor baby.

My poor sock monkey has been through the wringer...hanged (noose and all) from the ceiling of my dorm room by my more than disturbed roommate. He's been forced to participate in a ritual killing of Winnie the Pooh...it's been a long hard road for the guy.

My own not so little girls are also called Monkey Girl, fruitcake, love muffin, pumpkin, etc... so the tradition lives on.

Yours truly,
Monkey Girl

P.S. The above Sock Monkey is made by Kazumi, a wonderful Japanese artist, you can see her work here.

Commune living?

2008-11-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

Some of my close friends say I was born too late.

I was born in the 60's but did most of my growing up in the 1970's and a little more maturing into the mid 1980's. I've been called a hippie, liberal, earthy granola, Birkenstock wearing 60's child...and those are the nice names.

My parents were fairly conservative and republican.

So why am I so different? Honestly, I don't know, but I'm definitely the black sheep in my family...or at least my brother and I rotate the black sheep role every couple of years. Can't hog the black sheep role ALL the time. Need rest...it's hard work.

Commune living has appealed to me since I was in my early twenties. Twenty years later it still appeals to me.

Families living together, growing vegetables, helping raise children, sharing the life experience together. Everything about it...makes me smile.

It's possible that I've romanticized it, but nowadays we're all so disconnected from each other, so wrapped up in our own lives...a little group living could change all that.

What do you think? Any other black sheep out there?

Update: for those who are worried...there will be no hand holding and singing Kum Ba Yah

Understanding Lyme Disease Part Two

2008-11-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

Since my first installment of 'Understanding Lyme Disease' a fantastic documentary has been released chronicling the history/mystery of Lyme Disease.

Under Our Skin has been making the rounds of film festivals and our Lyme support group was invited to a preview of the film a few months ago. The information in this documentary is staggering, and I invite everyone to go out and rent a copy. It will blow your mind. (Spoiler Alert...scientists are starting to think (and test) that Alzheimer's, ALS, and dementia are all actually late stage Lyme Disease symptoms.

It's been 6 months since I started treatment...and it's been a hellish road at best. Only recently have I begun to get some measure of energy back. And when I say energy, I mean I can get out of bed, wash my hair, check e-mail, walk my kids to the bus stop and stay awake until 9pm. That's a big improvement for me. My nausea comes and goes, but when it hits it's the worst nausea I've ever experienced. My doctors have recently put me on anti-nausea meds that are used for cancer patients, and they seem to be working.

The ringing in my ears is constant now and my eye sight is significantly weaker. Although I know these symptoms are (supposed to be) temporary, it doesn't help me in the short term. I, like many other Lyme sufferers, no longer drive at night.

For me the worst part of this disease is the constant reminder of all the things I'm unable to do anymore. I think I needed to believe I magically avoided any neurological symptoms that are common with chronic/late stage Lyme. I foolishly needed to convince myself that everything was fine, because admitting the alternative was too much for me. However, it's now obvious that my ability to concentrate has been affected and my memory too. This is scary shit. Even my ability to write effectively and for fucks sake proofread properly has been affected. It's irritating to say the least and I'm only 6 months into a treatment that will probably last me another 2-3 years.

It's going to be a long haul. I've come to terms with the possibility that remission might be the best I can do. Any future flare-ups will have to be retreated...I know this.

Last month, we had a new member come to support group. She'd only just been bitten and went straight to a local doctor here in my town. He quickly told her that Lyme disease wasn't in our area, and wouldn't even entertain testing for it. Knowing something was wrong, and not taking no for an answer she sought out a Lyme doctor and sure enough, a month later, her lyme tests came back glowingly positive in addition to 3 co-infections. This tells me that our ticks here are the sickest of the sick....super bugs, really. I can't begin to understand why doctors insist on looking the other way when it comes to Lyme disease.

Unfortunately, more people are becoming infected everyday and probably don't know it.

The best I can do now is get the word out there...

Is my karma f*@ked?

2008-11-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

Scene One:

The year is 1976 and I'm camping with my girl scout troop. A lost grasshopper finds it's way into my tent. I use a whole can of bug spray and kill the grasshopper. (Insert sad music here)

Scene Two:

It's now 2008. I'm sitting in my doctor's office as she tells me I'm suffering from a disease. A multi-systemic disease that is caused by the bite of a BUG. (Insert Jaws theme music here)

Is this karma coming back and kicking me in the ass?

Probably.

Lesson learned:

Never go camping.

Someone twisted my arm!

2008-11-10T20:27:00.000-08:00

Really, I'm telling the truth.

Ok, ok, ok...I got suckered into watching a video of Sarah Palin explain about the whole $150,000 clothes issue on (surprise surprise) the Fox (non) News Channel.

I couldn't help myself. You would think I'd be sick of hearing about how ridiculous Palin is...but apparently not. If you're as sick as I am, you can watch her here.

Palin states that the buying of $150,000 of clothes, "seems like such an irrelevant issue."

Really? Gee, the average American brings home between $35,000-45,000 a year, before taxes. I've got NO idea why the average American would have a problem with spending three to four times their annual salary to clothe the average politician....and her family.

Maybe she and Oprah should go shopping together. They seem equally disconnected with the real world. I stopped watching Oprah years ago when I heard her say that spending $240 on a pillow sham was a bargain.

At least Oprah is spending her own money.

Give peace a chance...

2008-11-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

As a child of the 1960's, I'm a leftover hippie child. Yes, my bumper is littered with stickers like,

War is Not the Answer, Teach Peace and buy local organic

and yes, I've been referred to as, "earthy, granola, Birkenstock & tie dye wearing, blah, blah". I don't see these comments as derogatory, I'm proud of who I am. For years I thought about living in a commune...or starting one. There's just something wonderful about growing your own vegetables, herbs, knitting homespun wool, and leaving the tv and electronics behind. As a matter of fact, the only tv we own is in our bedroom and it's a tiny little 15 or 19" thing. Until recently, our children have attended Waldorf schools.

Anyhoo...

Today, after walking the littlest Monkey to the bus stop, I came home and turned up the cd player and rocked out to Neil Young's Harvest album.

There is a change in the air. I smiled all day today...and what I finally realized is that I've been in a funk lately. Deep down I had sincere doubts we'd win this election...wondered if another election would be stolen, tampered with, etc...

The cloud has been lifted, and I finally have some hope.

At long last, a better future is possible.

Oh, and by the way, if you haven't listened to Neil Young's Harvest album lately, give it a chance. He's the man.

Stop Reading This...

2008-11-04T11:15:00.001-08:00

Stop reading this wonderfully entertaining blog and go out and

VOTE

We can make a difference.

Sincerely,

Monkey Girl

p.s. But at least scroll down and see the cute picture of my kitty.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T16:23:00.000-07:00

She puts up with soooo much crap

It's the last time...I swear

2008-10-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago today my husband and I moved our family to Singapore.

We said goodbye to friends and family.
We said goodbye to our cars.
We said goodbye to cool breezes.
We said goodbye to all the opened yet unfinished bottles of vodka, gin and vermouth.

But before we did all these things, we made sure we voted before we left.

Don't forget to vote people!

And I swear that's the last time you'll hear me say it.

Animal torture or just plain fun?

2008-10-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

When I saw this at Target, I knew I couldn't pass it up!

The kids and I proceeded to try it on all the animals in the house, cats too!

The kids can't wait for Halloween.

Unfortunately, I bought the candy too early this year and I've noticed that the candy in the candy bowl is getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

Where are all my tootsie rolls and 100 grand bars?

the 411 on me...

2008-10-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

Current Book(s):
Georgiana: Duchess of Devonshire by: Amanda Foreman
Sociology of Deviant Behavior by: some boring author

Current Music:
Psychedelic Furs
Midnight to Midnight (1986)

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure:
Survivor Gabon
(what can I say? I love that show!)

Current Obsessions:
My bed.

Current Drink:
My hubby's new morning smoothie
(get your mind out of the gutter!)

Current Movie:
The Duchess
(I'll give it a C+)

Current TV Show:
Reruns of House

Current Wish-List:
Hardwood floors for the living room/dining room
A housekeeper (I dream big)

Current Needs:
Energy

Current Triumph(s):
Reading 3 boring chapters of the sociology text
Not strangling my 15 yr. old daughter

Current Bane(s) of my Existence:
Dirty finger prints on the walls
Dog pee stains on the carpet

Current Goal(s):
To beat Lyme disease
To get rid of GWB and his cronies

Current Indulgence:
Bubble baths and reading
FOX Soccer Channel

Current Blessing:
My family and friend(s)

Current Slang or Saying:
That's bullshit
(comes in handy when your 15 yr. old is lying to you)

Current Mood:
Tired but optimistic

Reflections...

2008-10-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

It's a long way down

and you missed a spot

on the window.

It's a quiet balance

washing away the

circles of my reflection.

Keeping up with the Joneses...

2008-10-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I stupidly watched fifteen minutes of those idiotic CNN, Headlines News, CNBC shows.

Boy, was that a mistake. In the fifteen minutes I watched, I heard some mortgage crisis pontificator actually blame the mortgage crisis on the neighbors of mortgage defaulters.

Not the families that defaulted on their loans, but their neighbors.

His reasoning?

That these neighbors have sat by and watched their neighbors not pay their mortgages and get off scott free, so they (the neighbors) decided to not pay their mortgages, TOO.

What? Excuse me? Are you smoking crack? Who do you think you are fooling?

Are you telling me this HUGE mortgage crisis has been caused by those stupid neighbors who want to keep up with the Jones?

Yea, right.

What was I thinking? I'll go ahead and stop paying my mortgage because the family down the street stopped paying their mortgage.

What? No comments?

2008-10-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

I know my story was long, but come on.

Wishing for no snow this winter...

2008-10-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

See, I'm a California Girl at heart...need I say more?

Me and snow don't mix.

I know I've complained before...but I don't think I can stress how unprepared I was for snow when we moved up to the great Northwest.

You see...

Years ago, I was in an accident that involved me, my car, and a freak snow storm...

Me against nature, you could say.

The year was 1988, my Boytoy (soon-to-be hubby) and I decided to drive out to Colorado for Christmas break to visit his folks.

At 20, driving from California to Colorado seems romantic. Now, it just seems long, boring and a test on how well I can hold my bladder.

We had gorgeous weather on the drive out...all was good.

Met his parents, friends, home town, blah, blah, blah...then 3 days later turned around to drive home.

I'm leaving out the good parts where his mother made us sleep in separate rooms, we had to sneak around to have sex, even though we'd been living together for 9+ months...you know, the usual.

Because we were still students, we were poor as dirt.

Poor plus youth equals...driving straight through 2.5 states because we can't afford to stay in a hotel let alone a fleabag motel.

Somewhere a few miles outside Salt Lake City it started to snow. I mean SNOW...oh, and did I mention that I was driving?

Not to worry my Boytoy says, we'll switch in SLC and he'll drive the rest of the way to California.

Only...we didn't make it to Salt Lake City...at least not until hours later.

You see, growing up in California (northern, Calif, I might add) I'd never heard of 'black ice'.

Still sounds like a name of a good cocktail to me.

Well, you guessed it, we (me and the old Volvo) hit some black ice on Interstate 80.

At 11:30pm it's amazing how crowded the freeway can be.

All the while the Boytoy is screaming,

"Get your foot off the fucking brakes!!!"

and me screaming back,

"I'M NOT!!!"

Luckily, even though we did 3 or 4 donuts we managed to miss everyone and land safely on the side on Interstate 80, squished into a snow bank.

After my blood pressure returned back to normal and the Boytoy stopped saying, "Holy Shit", we assessed the situation, it was pretty apparent we were going to need a pull/push out of the snow bank, as the poor Volvo wasn't budging.

Now let me give a shout out to all the people who literally stopped and offered help.
People are so friendly in Utah.

Within 15 minutes, at midnight, I might add, a kind samaritan in a 4 x 4 with a tow hitch, was offering to pull us out.

It only took 5 minutes to realize it wasn't going to work. We were going to need the 'big guns', i.e. a tow truck.

I started to wonder what our chances of a Utah tow truck driver taking an out of state check were...when all of a sudden, poof!, a tow truck arrived.

The Boytoy and I stood on the side of Interstate 80 watching the tow truck struggle to pull out our car. Nothing. The car didn't move.

Confused, the tow truck driver, pushed on.

Standing there with one hand scratching his beard and the other on the power switch thingy, he looks up the highway and then down and shakes his head, and says he thinks he knows what the problem is...when...

SNAP.

Boytoy, the truck driver, and by now a Utah State Patrol Officer and I stand there staring at the car.

Boytoy: What just happened?

Utah SPO: What's the problem?

Me: It's freezing out here, and I have to pee.

TTD: I think we might be in a little trouble here.

The tow truck driver opens the side passenger door, and low and behold sticking straight through the car between the two front seats is a metal pole with reflective sticker at the top.

Me: What's that?

TTD & Utah SPO: That's a roadside delineator.

Me & Boytoy: What?

That's right folks, I managed to expertly run over a little metal pole. (they're now made of plastic)

When the tow truck driver pulled the poor car out, the metal pole popped right through the car, taking out the emergency brake, missing the drive train (so I was told) and left quite a nice size hole in the car right between the two front seats.

Yes, I know, I'm talented.

All that was left was to pay the tow truck driver, who, if I remember correctly, sent us a bill in the mail...who still does that these days?

Utah SPO: I can't just let you leave the scene.

Me: Excuse me?

Utah SPO: You destroyed state property.

Me: I don't understand. What am I supposed to do?

Utah SPO: You'll have to reimburse the state, a check will suffice.

Me: Ok. mumble. mumble. mumble.

Result...

I own a marker just like this one...you could too, for just $50.00!

Did I mention I hate shopping?

2008-10-02T11:44:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's true, I hate shopping.

Unless of course, it's for cool house nic-nacs, kitchen stuff, furniture, aveda shampoo...

Okay, I guess my list of dislikes might be a bit shorter.

Who likes grocery shopping, electronics shopping, clothes shopping, anyway?

Well it's been two years, and yes, you guessed it, I'm being forced to buy a new cell phone.

Honestly, I swear, the cell phone manufacturers have mastered the art of making a cell phone that will only live for 12-24 months...unless you're my husband, his poor phone has a death sentence the minute it leaves the store.

This is my thinking...if I can buy a toaster for $19.99 that can last for 25+years, why does a $149.99 cell phone's expiration date shorter than a can of chicken noodle?

My phone contract was up in July.

Somehow, my cell phone knows this. Cosmically, the universe tells my cell phone that it must die to make way to a new fangled version of itself.

Turns off whenever it feels like it, makes loud pinging noises, usually right in my ear...maybe that's why my hearing is going, and can't hold a charge long enough for me to text sweet nothings to my hubby, or more importantly to my bff...

So that got me thinking...do I really need a mobile phone?

I mean, I was a child of the 1970's-80's...

Back when there was no such thing as...

a cordless phone, let alone a cell phone...remember phone cords, people?

a personal computer...well not until 1984 in our house anyway.

a pager...remember those...kinda like a cell phone that permanently vibrates?

an i-pod...hey, I still have records/cassette tapes.

We didn't even have cable tv until 1983 for christ's sake!!

Let me put it this way...when I left for college, my parents bought me an electric typewriter!! Whoo-hoo!

Do I really need a cell phone? Probably.

Could I live without it? Probably.

Funny thing is...when I accidentally leave home without it, I feel naked.

The cat's outta the bag...I ain't no super woman

2008-09-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a hellish one.

In my infinite wisdom, I thought a quick trip to California to visit friends would be no problem.

The trip was long overdue...and my little ladies at the convalescent home needed some cheer.

Even though, this Lyme treatment is kicking my ass, and I sometimes have to be scraped off the floor and put to bed...

I, of course, can handle a quick trip, right? I'm super woman, right?

Oh, I couldn't be more wrong.

There just ain't nothing as pathetic as laying in your friend's bed, sick as a dog, looking oh so attractive, throwing up, and crying like a little girl.

I try to continue my Lyme treatment...taking my meds, swallowing the yellow paint, etc...

I then throw it all up. All of it. My girlfriend smiles, wipes my mouth, and says in a cheery voice,

"Oh honey, you just threw up $250 worth of medication."

"Screw it."

"I don't fucking care anymore."

I learned pretty damn quick I ain't no super woman anymore.

He's a biter...

2008-09-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

As a parent of a 10 and 15 year old, I'm a little out of practice watching over little ones...

At least I haven't fed the neighbor kidlets any dog treats lately...

Read here for that whole debacle.

My house is fairly kid proof...no breakables are out, no small bits, etc...

I even keep a little basket of toys out in the living room for our neighbor's little 3 yr. old monkey.

But last week I noticed little bite marks on my dining room chairs.

Three year old size bite marks...I'm not kidding, he bit down thru to the raw wood, past layers of paint, varnish, etc...

It can't possibly be healthy to chew on dining room chairs.

I love him to bits.

Any suggestions?

Maybe I should give him one of the dog's chewy bones the next time he comes over.

A childhood lost...

2008-09-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Someday I will be free

Free from my past

Free from a sick spirit

Free from my lost childhood

On that day

I will find my innocence again