Friday, December 26, 2014

getting thru the holidays...

we've been seeing the marriage counselor now once, twice, sometimes three times a week.  

I swear I sit down, and it's like the faucet turns on and my tears just flow for the next 60 minutes.  

for every step forward, we seem to take two steps back, as we try to learn how to communicate to each other in a healthy way after 12 months of us barely speaking to each other.  
and it's hard.  

H pushes me to move on and "get over" the last 2.5 years, but there are some things I won't be able to "get over" until we talk them out.   I need him to hear me...perhaps for the 1st time in a long time. 
and I need some validation that he's responsible for a lot of what happened. 

until I get that, I'm not sure I can move on...and that pisses him off.  

sometimes it seems we fight almost every night, and I keep waiting for him to finally say that he's done.  waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

only just last week the therapist wanted to start talking about our sex life.  
fuck, that's got me worried and stressed.

I can feel more tears coming on.

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