Monday, November 10, 2014

denial

I've lived with it for years.  

every time I knew in my heart something was wrong, but he told me He was fine, or that I was overreacting, overanalyzing I chose to believe his words instead of his actions.  
not 100%, but enough that we'd go on with our life, marriage and pretend everything was ok...until the next time he had to reassure me that everything was ok when it really wasn't.   

what a shitty way to live.  A lie really.  

I hated it.  I loved him with everything I had(I still do) but I hated the way we were living our life, squandering it.  

there are so many journal entries where I mention I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
well, it dropped alright.  

and now I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop.   


1 comment:

Ethan Lambert said...

I can't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound shallow in light of the gravity of your situation, but I hope you make it to the other side of this soon.

Echoing the anonymous comment from your last post, a support group of people who have been through something similar might help with the emotional load.