Monday, October 20, 2014

a decision was made...

I don't think he believes much of what I say.  
the other night, I waited for some sign that he truly cared about my well being.   maybe he simply didn't believe me when I told him how many pills I had washed down with vodka...yet I knew he heard me.  his careless remark proved that, "then make yourself puke, roll over and go to sleep".

I wasn't sure I'd survive...I really wasn't.  I'd never taken that many pills before.  yet I'm still alive.   here I am.  

I remember as a child and even as a teenager I didn't understand suicide.  why would someone do that, nothing could be that bad.  

but I never imagined the unbelievable pain one could feel.   a pain so deep all you want is to make it go away.  

I understand it now.  

and I can't promise I won't try again. 


CuriousRob said...

The person he used to be is gone, MG, and the person he is now isn't worth hurting yourself over. Please find another way to get yourself out of the situation.

monkey girl said...

You couldn't be more right. He's gone. The person I knew no longer exists anymore.
I wish I could make myself stop wanting that person who once loved me.

monkey girl said...

I'm so ashamed.