the other night, I waited for some sign that he truly cared about my well being. maybe he simply didn't believe me when I told him how many pills I had washed down with vodka...yet I knew he heard me. his careless remark proved that, "then make yourself puke, roll over and go to sleep".
I wasn't sure I'd survive...I really wasn't. I'd never taken that many pills before. yet I'm still alive. here I am.
I remember as a child and even as a teenager I didn't understand suicide. why would someone do that, nothing could be that bad.
but I never imagined the unbelievable pain one could feel. a pain so deep all you want is to make it go away.
I understand it now.
and I can't promise I won't try again.