Monday, September 17, 2012

Surrender and trust...part 1

Surrender and trust go hand-n-hand in any relationship, not just D/s, M/s or O/p relationships but in vanilla relationships as well.

All successful relationships require a degree of surrender and trust in order to move and grow. But total trust? 100% surrender? How much?

When H and I moved in together, our trust for one another began to build. I trusted that he meant what he said. I trusted that the love he expressed for me was real. I trusted him with my body.

Trusting him came easy.

Surrendering though, would take years to accomplish.

For me surrendering my heart to him and trusting that he would not only care for it but keep it safe...would be the most difficult task I'd encounter.

I didn't use to believe in unconditional love. At least not between two people committed to each other. I thought, perhaps what a mother feels for her child...this must be the closest to unconditional love there is.

Years later when I had our two babies, I felt this. I feel it still. But even as early as a few years ago I doubted that H could love me unconditionally.

How could he? There had to be some transgression I could commit that would stop him from loving me. Right?

If I couldn't love myself and all my flaws, how could he?