Sunday, June 10, 2012

Family bus-i-ness.

I'll apologize now for the following rambling post.

We're down to just one house guest. This time tomorrow we'll be down to none. Woohoo!!

The MIL left this morning. As soon as she was off to the airport, I laid my head on my pillow and slept for six hours. I was so tired and my muscles finally just gave out.

Monkey #1's graduation was a success. Even the rain held off till the very end.
Afterwards, she ran off to celebrate grad nite out on the Sound with 300+ kids on a cruise ship while the rest of us went out to Thai food. Yummy!

After picking her up at the ferry at 5:30am the next morning, we let her sleep for 6 hours before we met everyone for a lovely graduation brunch.

All weekend I'd been doing my best to be amenable towards the MIL.
But geez, she makes it so hard. It's been 7+ years since her last 1.5-2 day visit. I guess I'm blessed she doesn't visit often or for very long. Still it's amazing how stressful those visits can be regardless.

Over brunch, I heard her talking with my mother. I only caught bits and pieces of the conversation...tried my best to tune her out.
Later, in the car, my mother told me that she(the MIL) "holds my mother responsible" for us(H & i) getting married. That she felt my mother had pushed us to marry. Can I just say now...WTF?

My mother took it in stride and laughed at such a silly statement/accusation. Saying that she had nothing to do with our wedding...and really she didn't. By the time we married, we'd been living together for four years. Marriage was very much on the radar.

It's too bad that she feels she has to hold other people responsible for her son's decisions. Perhaps it makes her feel better thinking that...I don't know.

What I do know is H has always made his own decisions. Never consults with anyone. He's a no nonsense kinda guy and once a decision has been made, that's it. He never waivers, or if he does, He doesn't show it, or I just don't see it.

H was aware that his mother(and father) were not happy about his impending marriage to me. Apparently they made that clear just prior to me walking down the isle. Of course I knew none of this at the time. H has confessed his biggest regret was telling me(a few years later) that they tried to talk him out of it at the very last minute.
I wasn't surprised that they disliked me but it hurt to know the lengths they went to get H to change his mind. H thought it was all rather funny(in a sick way) but when he saw how hurt I was after telling me, he instantly regretted telling me.

Ultimately this is what makes her visits so unpleasant and stressful for me. That after nearly 20 years of marriage she still seems to hope that H will come to his senses at divorce me. That i still don't measure up to her standards. This of course, is just my opinion.

My feelings are still hurt, even after all these years.

The only bright side to this fiasco is that we won't see her for another 7+ years.

Maybe the explanation is as simple as... that I'm a crazy Californian girl and he's a mid-western boy.

I guess I'll never truly know why she dislikes me so. But she sure does, and that's the truth.


mostly mouse said...

How sad for you!


monkey girl said...

Oh mouse you're so sweet. You'd think after 20 years of her antics I'd be used to it, but it still hurts...and I'm just brushing the surface of her behavior.
The good thing is that H supports me 100% and loves me unconditionally. He stands up for me and I'm thankful for that.
I'll never be the kind of daughter in law she wanted and that's ok.
Hugs back,