Friday, May 25, 2012

Still learning.

It's hard for me to remember sometimes that he doesn't need a caretaker. He needs me to be his lover.

I'm not supposed to solve his emotional needs. Just his physical ones.

It something I'm still learning...even after all these years.

I know why I'm wired this way but god it's a hard habit to break.

1 comment:

monkey girl said...

It occurred to me after re-reading this, this might sound harsh. Let me explain.
I'm a caretaker by nature and often to my detriment. I was probably(maybe) born this way. But for sure I know the years of foster care and being a ward of the state of California, I saw my only job was to care for my brother. So certainly, my history only cemented my caretaker role.

I love my husband. But sometimes it's hard for me to remember its not my job to solve his emotional hang-ups. That's his job. My job is to love him and care for him...but not be his caretaker. Make sense?

Sure I want to solve my loved one's problems. But they must find their own way in life. Just like I wasn't ready to understand and solve many of my own issues till it was 'time'. Sure someone could have shown me the way and maybe I would have gotten there eventually but it wouldn't mean the same.

There are no short cuts to be had.

I've always seemed to have to learn the hard way. Often banging my head against the wall for ages till I found my way.

I hate watching those I love bang their heads against the wall. I could guide them. And sure a lot of the times I leave them breadcrumbs to help them find their way. But their journey is their own. They must do all the hard work or it will be for nothing.