Monday, May 21, 2012

It's not all bad...

After a few private inquires yesterday and today I thought I would just give everyone a brief update.

Is my marriage on the rocks?
Yes, we're going through a rough patch but I have sincere hope that eventually H and I will work this of through.

In the two decades of being together we've only discussed separating once, and it was a serious discussion. With couples therapy and lots of hard work we stayed together. It took at a year to get back on track.

Are we at that spot yet? I don't really think so.

After four years of intense Lyme treatment I've hit what my Lyme doctor calls a plateau or kind of remission from chronic Lyme. Am I cured? No. But I'm no longer in aggressive antibiotic therapy and now am on what she refers to as 'maintenance therapy'.
This is the difference between taking 6,000-8,000mg of antibiotics daily to 300-500mg of antibiotics daily.
There is a huge difference. Trust me.

Lyme has, in the last four years, destroyed my thyroid(2 surgeries, now removed). Pushed my body into early menopause. Cost us enormous sums of money on doctor visits and meds. I don't actually like to dwell on the cost of my sickness as it puts me in a foul mood.

Most importantly it's robbed me of my energy. On the worst of days I would sleep for 17-18 hours. On the best, a 3 to 4 hour nap would suffice.

Needless to say it's affected my relationships with my husband, children, family and friends. I've felt very much like the 'absent mother', wife, friend, etc. There is still much guilt that torments me daily. I've been in therapy most of the time and my guilt is a constant source of discussion w/my therapist.

H has been nothing but supportive during this entire time. He has stepped up when I couldn't. He was put work aside to be with me at every doctor appointment, every blood draw, every IV infusion, every ER nightmare, etc. He has always been there for me.

He has cooked, cleaned, done laundry when I was too tired to get out of bed. He has stood in the shower and washed me when my arms and hands hurt too much. Brushed my hair, dressed me, cared for me in every conceivable way.

This kind of love is so rare. I know this. And this is how I know we'll work through this new adjustment period while I start becoming me again.

Me, monkey girl, the wife, mother, lover, artist, friend, sister....not 'sick monkey girl'.

Thank you for your best wishes, they are treasured beyond measure.

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