Tuesday, May 29, 2012

All or nothing.

I tend to be a contradiction.

Some days I can be rambunctious, flirty, bawdy even.
Some days I'm quiet, introspective, serious and even sad.

Depending on the day you meet me can make all the difference in the world. If your confident, strong and assertive and I'm having a quiet day then often you'll see the real me.

If you're drawn to my strength and energy, the likelihood is we'll have fun for awhile but won't be a match. I can't keep that energy going 24/7.

By no means am I an emotional roller coaster...I'm just me. Fucked up me.

I just can't hide behind any facade. It's all out there for everyone to see.

I've never understood how people can protect themselves from getting hurt...protecting their heart.
We all get hurt. It happens.
But denying something your heart may want for fear of it breaking??
I don't understand That.

How do you know you'll be hurt? Perhaps you won't.
Perhaps it will be wonderful.
And if it is wonderful and later you get hurt...would you give up the wonderful to avoid the hurt?
I can't. I won't.
I'll take the wonderful and the hurt.

Some of my most painful relationships have also been my favourite. Strange I know. And I don't view myself as a masochist.

I can't dip my toe into the water to test it out. I just jump in, clothes and all. Give it all to me or give me nothing.

Some of these relationships burned so bright. Too bright probably.
Probably why they burned out so fast.

But oh when they burned...it felt soooo good.
I wouldn't give that up just to avoid the pain in the end.

I wouldn't know how anyway.

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