H has often mentioned bringing a third into our bed(room).
Rarely are these talks done outside the bedroom most(but not all) have been in the heat of the moment.
H is a self-admitted voyeur and has professed his desire to see me with another man.
This has always been a limit for me. And thus I've never considered it at all. H is straight and to my knowledge is not even bi-curious.
So here lies the problem; now I'm wondering if it's more of a soft limit for me and/or the only reason I've made it a hard limit is because my fear of how this could hurt H emotionally...in the long run.
We've been together for 2 decades and I feel I know him quite well. I can't see a scenario that works where H doesn't eventually become jealous or threatened or hurt in some way.
I've asked him if this is just merely a fantasy. Usually that's answered with his continued desire to make me happy. But I don't recall ever mentioning to him a MFM fantasy...because I don't have them. If anything my fantasies run along the FMF line. But I must stress that that is mere fantasy, as I'm not interested in sharing H with any woman(or man) for that matter. I'd be jealous and hurt in the end.
It's been discussed lately as my sex drive has been ramping up to unbelievable proportions. It's crazy really. It's left me at times feeling shaky and unstable. Heart palpations and a tightness in my chest.
I even asked H if this is what teenage boys felt like when they hit their sexual peak...cause if so, I really feel sorry for them.
There are days where I can't even think straight and my only solution has been to masturbate in 5 or 6 quick successions, the last 2 to 3 orgasms are almost forced(but very needed). Only then does the shakiness start to subside, and I start to feel normal again.
I have to think eventually this "phase" will diminish but truthfully it's only gotten worse in the last month or two.
I'm in awe of couples who can bring another into their bed for everyone's mutual desire/pleasure and make it work.
In the end though I just don't think it's for me(or us). I think the enjoyment could be there but the fallout would be to too great a risk.