Monday, April 30, 2012

nature vs. nurture

I didn't have a conventional upbringing.  I sometimes wonder if my life had been different would I be?

A few months after my birth, my biological father left for the Vietnam war.  Biological mother picked up and moved us to another state and in a relatively short period of time, had my baby brother.
Four months after his birth(according to state records) she placed us in the care of the state of California.  I've been told that she felt overwhelmed with her situation and needed a break.  She was now 20 with 2 children and a very absent husband.
There were a few visits, but essentially after 3 months, she signed over her parental rights and moved out of state.

For the next four and a half years baby brother and I lived in and out of state care and foster homes.  I still have memories of foster care...some ok, some bad, some so horrible my brain has protected me from these memories.

My lifeline was my baby brother.  I quickly became his mother, and in turn, he became my baby boy.
He never strayed from my side and I never let him go.
He was my only constant.

Even after we were adopted, he was still my baby.
Our adoptive mother didn't understand our close relationship, and often was frustrated that baby brother sought out monkey girl when he needed comfort and love.
She became resentful of monkey girl...and their relationship became a strained one.

Slowly Daddy became the one constant in our lives.
I was able to let him parent and in turn finally start my own childhood at age 8.

To let someone else lead, was a relief to me.
To turn to someone for comfort and be comforted was...until then only a distant dream.
Truly I became a Daddy's girl.

Today monkey girl is an oxymoron (lol).
Half of her is a warm mother figure whose friends and family come to for comfort and support.
Her other more guarded half is a desperate needy little girl who needs to feel unconditional love, craves consistency, and to have a strong hand guiding her at the base of her back.

When monkey girl is feeling especially needy, H gives her what he calls "*insert monkey girl's real name here* hugs".  Monkey girl holds her arms around herself and then H hugs her super tight. 
It's constricting and monkey girl can't move.  She can only lay her head on H's chest.

These are the best kind of hugs...and make monkey girl feel very safe.


guy who trapped monkey girl said...

I love your "(insert name here) hugs". Best hugs around... bar none.

PS: You forgot to mention that our youngest instinctively (right word?) wanted "(insert name here) hugs" from birth... Weird huh?

monkey girl said...

I love those hugs too. ;)
It's kinda weird how much kidlet/monkey #2 is like monkey girl...even from birth. Kinda amazing really.

Fowl Ideas said...

The Institution of Family needs a lot of work.

monkey girl said...

Even though my childhood wasn't typical, I'm grateful for all I had and was given. Wouldn't change it for the world as my Daddy was an incredible man and father. I miss him every day.
Thanks for reading!