I have mediocre stories to tell of people watching at Disneyland.
But I can't concentrate long enough to write these little stories on gross cherry flavored cotton candy, meeting my fairy godmother, grumpy grown ups, and the frustrating hotel mattress pad that never managed to stay on the effing bed.
Why, you ask?
Because it's 8 o'clock in the fucking morning and it's already 80 degrees!!
Yes, I know, I'm whining.
See, when we told friends and family that we were picking up and moving away from paradise to move to Seattle 4 years ago, I had friends and family making all these weird faces.
Smushed up faces of shock...and mumbling things like...
"You know it rains there, like, everyday of the year?"
"Aren't you going to miss seeing the sun?"
"You'll have to start taking anti-depressants to get through the winter."
Ok, that last one was from my family doctor...and it's not far from the truth.
Fast forward to this week.
In case you've been living under a rock...which in my case would be several degrees cooler than where I'm currently sitting, we people here in Seattle have been experiencing what you might call a HEAT WAVE.
Today, apparently will be the hottest day on record EVER.
Translation:
For as long as they (the little people who keep records) have been keeping records of the temperature in Seattle, never has the thermometer hit 101 degrees...never, not ever.
Now, you might say, Monkey Girl, that doesn't seem that hot. You've lived in Singapore where it's significantly hotter and more humid, what's the problem?
Well the problem is, most homes don't have air conditioning here.
Why, you ask?
Because it never gets this fucking hot!
And with no air conditioning...I'm melting.
Literally. My mind is mush.
Help me, my bagel and cream cheese has already crusted over and congealed and it's only been out for 5 minutes...
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Here we gooooooooo...
)
Ever since my first experience of Disneyland's Peter Pan ride when I was 5, I've been hooked.
I don't know what it is, but the feeling like you're flying over Big Ben and downtown London at night with stars in the sky is like crack to me. Literally.
I could ride it over and over, all day long. Unfortunately, my kids aren't as weird as I am, and insist on riding other rides (they're so selfish), meeting Goofy and Minnie and stuffing their mouthes with cotton candy and ice cream.
I love Disneyland.
From the first time my brother and I went in 1973, when my brother pulled off Eeyore's tail and walked away with it, to our last family vacation there six years ago.
It's a family tradition that I adore.
Once we're in the park, we immediately go to the first 'trinket' stand and buy an autograph book and a cute Disney pen for the girls.
Then we walk down Disney's Main Street, breathing in all the sugar-fied air past the candy stores and head straight to the Peter Pan ride, because it's my favorite.
After that we contemplate whether the Snow White ride will be too scary (it is) and decide to either go on Dumbo's flying ride or head straight to It's a Small World. Most changes in the 'master' plan are affected by weather (if it's too hot) or if it's too crowded.
We always eat lunch at Blue Bayou (the restaurant inside Pirates of the Caribbean). It always makes me feel like we're in New Orleans at night, and my mind can completely buy into the whole fantasy. I guess I'm like a kid that way.
You'd think after nearly 40 years I'd get tired of Disneyland, but no, every time we return, it brings me right back to my childhood. Even memories of when my brother and I were 16 and 18 and ran around the park on our own, riding the rides over and over. Meeting our parents for lunch and then taking off again till dinner.
It was heaven.
Come Monday morning (or Sunday night, if I can't wait) you'll know where I am...
Standing in line at Peter Pan's Flight, waiting for my ship to take me to Neverland.
And I'll be in heaven, once again.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Even at 40 and a half, I still have questions about life...
My mind works a mile a minute. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
About everything and nothing. Everything and nothing. Literally.
Do all brains work like mine?
Does everyone contemplate eternity like I do? I mean really, how can you wrap your mind around eternity? Try it....you can't. You just can't. I wonder whether it feels like living forever, and how is that even fucking possible?
Although I haven't been to a church since my wedding, which is coming up on 17 years, no wait, there's been a couple of funerals since then and my sister was married a couple of years ago.
So really, I haven't been to church in two years. And yes, if you're doing the math now, that means I got married when I was 24. Hard to believe.
Anyhoo, I'm not particularly religious, I'm probably what you'd call more spiritual.
Definitely believe in a higher power.
Started believing in heaven (or something like it) when my father was dying. I mean, I believed before that there was life after death, but when my father was dying...I thought about it A LOT.
Really, in my world, all religions are right. There's no only one 'real' religion. Because, in my world, God would never turn away a good person...just based on which church they belonged to or their sexual preferences...that's just crazy talk...you get my drift.
But that's not the point I'm trying to make today. My point is...I can think about this shit for hours. I can literally drive myself batty.
Does everyone have OCD issues when they shower or bathe? Do they wash their hair twice, face twice, arms and legs with one soap, torso with the other? Really? Do they? Or think every time they accidentally touch a public doorknob (with her bare skin) that they'll contract swine flu or tuberculous? Just in case you're wondering, I almost always remember to pull my shirt/coat down or use a paper towel to touch a public door handle.
Do they watch movies over and over thru the years and yet are still convinced that just once the ending will change?
That Robert De Niro will get away from Al Pacino in the end of Heat, the way he meant to?
I mean every fucking time I watch it, I'm hoping he'll escape with Amy Brennan's character and finally get to South America or where ever the fuck they were planning on going. Do normal people do that?
I often tell my significant other that if he only knew what I was really thinking 24/7, he'd have left me long ago. I tell him tidbits here and there, but really just say,
"It's the tip of the iceberg baby, tip of the iceberg."
We've been together a long time, and truly no one knows me better than him. And I certainly feel blessed that he still thinks all my quirky little nuances are cute and endearing...still after 20 years together. Frankly, I'm surprised the bastard hasn't smothered me in my sleep. I know I've been tempted a few times over the years.
You've all seen the scene where Kathleen Turner squeezes Michael Douglas' nose closed because his snoring/breathing is driving her crazy. We've all been there. (War of the Roses...for you young kids, rent it if you haven't seen it) Of course, there's another ending, I hope will change the next time I see it.
Of course, I don't hold his nose closed, I just knee him in the back and tell him to roll over.
I mean, I know it's normal to think of things like...
When you're riding the ferry...you wonder will it sink?
But I take it to a whole new level, baby. Will it sink? Will there be enough room in the life boats? After seeing the life boats...I'm not so sure. So will hypothermia kick in before any boats rescue us? I've watched 'Deadliest Catch', I've seen their computer animated thingy that shows your arms and legs stop working so you drown in less than 5 minutes. The Puget Sound is cold people, fucking cold. Which people will be noble and let the women and children on first?
Do I have Lyme Disease because I used a whole can of RAID on a grasshopper that was stuck in my girl scout tent in the 3rd grade? That would be karma, right? I killed bugs, so now the bugs are killing me.
These are things that would probably keep me up at night. And since I can't take Ambien anymore, remember? Now, I try a regular bedtime routine and a little meditation.
50% success rate so far.
And when I'm awake at 3 in the morning, I think of the millions of people around the world who are up with me.
Life is short.
And we're all in this together.
About everything and nothing. Everything and nothing. Literally.
Do all brains work like mine?
Does everyone contemplate eternity like I do? I mean really, how can you wrap your mind around eternity? Try it....you can't. You just can't. I wonder whether it feels like living forever, and how is that even fucking possible?
Although I haven't been to a church since my wedding, which is coming up on 17 years, no wait, there's been a couple of funerals since then and my sister was married a couple of years ago.
So really, I haven't been to church in two years. And yes, if you're doing the math now, that means I got married when I was 24. Hard to believe.
Anyhoo, I'm not particularly religious, I'm probably what you'd call more spiritual.
Definitely believe in a higher power.
Started believing in heaven (or something like it) when my father was dying. I mean, I believed before that there was life after death, but when my father was dying...I thought about it A LOT.
Really, in my world, all religions are right. There's no only one 'real' religion. Because, in my world, God would never turn away a good person...just based on which church they belonged to or their sexual preferences...that's just crazy talk...you get my drift.
But that's not the point I'm trying to make today. My point is...I can think about this shit for hours. I can literally drive myself batty.
Does everyone have OCD issues when they shower or bathe? Do they wash their hair twice, face twice, arms and legs with one soap, torso with the other? Really? Do they? Or think every time they accidentally touch a public doorknob (with her bare skin) that they'll contract swine flu or tuberculous? Just in case you're wondering, I almost always remember to pull my shirt/coat down or use a paper towel to touch a public door handle.
Do they watch movies over and over thru the years and yet are still convinced that just once the ending will change?
That Robert De Niro will get away from Al Pacino in the end of Heat, the way he meant to?
I mean every fucking time I watch it, I'm hoping he'll escape with Amy Brennan's character and finally get to South America or where ever the fuck they were planning on going. Do normal people do that?
I often tell my significant other that if he only knew what I was really thinking 24/7, he'd have left me long ago. I tell him tidbits here and there, but really just say,
"It's the tip of the iceberg baby, tip of the iceberg."
We've been together a long time, and truly no one knows me better than him. And I certainly feel blessed that he still thinks all my quirky little nuances are cute and endearing...still after 20 years together. Frankly, I'm surprised the bastard hasn't smothered me in my sleep. I know I've been tempted a few times over the years.
You've all seen the scene where Kathleen Turner squeezes Michael Douglas' nose closed because his snoring/breathing is driving her crazy. We've all been there. (War of the Roses...for you young kids, rent it if you haven't seen it) Of course, there's another ending, I hope will change the next time I see it.
Of course, I don't hold his nose closed, I just knee him in the back and tell him to roll over.
I mean, I know it's normal to think of things like...
When you're riding the ferry...you wonder will it sink?
But I take it to a whole new level, baby. Will it sink? Will there be enough room in the life boats? After seeing the life boats...I'm not so sure. So will hypothermia kick in before any boats rescue us? I've watched 'Deadliest Catch', I've seen their computer animated thingy that shows your arms and legs stop working so you drown in less than 5 minutes. The Puget Sound is cold people, fucking cold. Which people will be noble and let the women and children on first?
Do I have Lyme Disease because I used a whole can of RAID on a grasshopper that was stuck in my girl scout tent in the 3rd grade? That would be karma, right? I killed bugs, so now the bugs are killing me.
These are things that would probably keep me up at night. And since I can't take Ambien anymore, remember? Now, I try a regular bedtime routine and a little meditation.
50% success rate so far.
And when I'm awake at 3 in the morning, I think of the millions of people around the world who are up with me.
Life is short.
And we're all in this together.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Monday's Schizophrenic Post...
My comments on Palin's latest political media stunt:
If she is truly resigning as Alaska's governor because she can't hack the media pressure...what the fuck is she going to do if she gets elected in 2012 (god forbid)?
Now I have to go wash my mouth out with soap for even thinking Americans could be stupid enough to vote her into office. Shame on me.
I'll leave you with a cheap and lazy way out of thinking of something to post about...
Happy Monday, god damn it.
Oh, and don't ask about the color differences, I had nothing to do with it, and after 5 minutes of fucking around to get it right...it still kept coming up, as you see it. Obviously, my blog wants control of it's own color palette.
If she is truly resigning as Alaska's governor because she can't hack the media pressure...what the fuck is she going to do if she gets elected in 2012 (god forbid)?
Now I have to go wash my mouth out with soap for even thinking Americans could be stupid enough to vote her into office. Shame on me.
I'll leave you with a cheap and lazy way out of thinking of something to post about...
- A - An advantage you have - I'm married to the most supportive, kind, mellow, patient husband
- B - Blue or Brown eyes - Very blue, voted "best eyes" in my college dorm my freshman year
- C - Chore you hate - All chores that revolve around cleaning my house
- D - Dad's name - Daniel, passed away over 15 years ago, miss him everyday
- E - Essential start of you day - A cup of PG Tips tea w/milk, of course
- F - Favorite color - Blues and greens
- G - Greatest thing you've ever done - had two beautiful children
- H - Habit you have - Swearing...very naughty habit
- I - Issue you hate - The Conservative Right and their desire to shit on The Constitution
- J - Job title - Wife, mother, artist, best friend... woman extraordinaire
- K - Kohls or Target - Target, never been in a Kohls...not a big shopper
- L - Living arrangements - Husband, two kids, two cats, one dog, one house and a veggie garden
- M - Music you like - classical, Psychedelic Furs, Neil Young, Annie Lennox, 70's classics
- N - Nicknames - Monkey Girl (obviously), Fruitcake, Lovebug, I'll respond to anything really
- O - Overnight Hospital Stays - Yes, many
- P - Pet Peeve - Ungratefulness, conceitedness, neighbors who let their dogs shit everywhere
- Q - Quote you most like - "Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral, you cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality." - Maude from the movie Harold and Maude
- R - Right or Left handed - Left handed
- S - Siblings - yes, I have siblings, one 2 years younger and one 14 years younger
- T - Time you wake up - anywhere from 2am to 10am depending on insomnia
- U - Underwear - Yes, I wear underwear
- V - Veggie you dislike - brussel sprouts...ick
- W - What makes you run late - My husband
- X - X-rays you've had - many, just had one 2 weeks ago
- Y - Yummy food you make - I make a great bowl of cereal
- Z - Zoo animal - No, I'm not one but if I could be one...a giraffe
Happy Monday, god damn it.
Oh, and don't ask about the color differences, I had nothing to do with it, and after 5 minutes of fucking around to get it right...it still kept coming up, as you see it. Obviously, my blog wants control of it's own color palette.
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