Friday, September 18, 2009

My brother...

I didn't know why she came for me.
Every Thursday for as long as I could remember.
Why me and not my brother?

She always took me for ice cream and then to the park.

Even at 5, I tried to understand what she wanted.
I tried to answer her questions without telling her my secrets.

And at the end of every visit, I'd get more and more scared, waiting...wanting to go home.
Hoping this time, she didn't move us to another home, another family.

Please don't ask us to move again.
Please don't ask us to move again.

After every visit, she'd drive me home.
We'd come around the corner, and I'd hold my breath till I could see him.

Sitting on the steps, waiting.
Right where I'd left him. Holding his paint chipped fire engine.

Always waiting.
Knowing I'd always come back for him.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Sex after 40...

Both my husband and I hit our 40's within the last two years.

I'll admit after 17 years of marriage, our sex life has gone through its share of changes.

We often marvel at how we had enough energy to have sex 5 times a day while going to college, working two part time jobs (his at school, mine off campus) and his water polo practice twice a day. When did we have time to sleep? Go to parties? Recover from drinking too much?

And then I remember I was 19/20 and he was 21/22.

A time where staying up till 4am frantically writing a paper due at 9am, didn't keep me from working a six hour shift, going to 3 classes and apparently fucking my brains out for 3 hours.

After 21 years(total) together, our sex life has gone through peaks and valleys. Babies and graveyard shifts.

And now at 41, I finally get the whole Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher thing.

See, women go through their sexual peak sometime in their late 30's to early 40's whereas men peak sometime in their 20's.

You'd have to have a 20 year old on stand by...or risk giving your husband a heart attack.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Reflections of peace...

The year was 1987 and I was a freshman at a relatively small private liberal university(approx. 1200) in California.

I was finally out of the house and beyond my mother's overbearing, psychotic bi-polar, manic/depressive control.

It was one of the happiest times in my life where I felt the most free.


I returned early from winter break in order to go skiing in Bear Valley with two friends. They picked me up at school in their 1970 VW Camper and we headed out on Highway 4 listening to Cat Stevens, Yes, Fleetwood Mac and the Grateful Dead. It was total bliss laying in the back of the camper as I watched the clouds drift by while listening to some of my favorite music.

We were staying in one of our parents ski cabin a few miles outside of Calaveras Big Trees State Park, redwood trees everywhere.

For the next 5 days we skied. Glorious sunny days skiing in fresh powder that had fallen from the night before, beautiful.

Since we were there during the week and there was a recession tapering down in California, the ski resort was virtually empty.
On some runs I was the only person on the lift, which is something I've never experienced then and since. My friends were much more experienced skiers than I and were skiing black diamond runs for most of the trip.

I remember so vividly riding up the mountain. It was so quiet. Imagine for a moment, there is no traffic, no people, no voices... no one in sight. Snow covered trees, no clouds in the sky, deep pine smells that fill your nose. Heaven.

It was literally the most peaceful moment I've ever experienced and I remember thinking there will never be a more beautiful moment than this moment now, right here...as I glided up the mountain all alone.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'll always remember you...


It’s okay, he said.

I’m scared, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

You’re in pain, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

You’ll die, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

I need you, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

I’ll miss you, I said.

It’s okay, he said.

I love you, I said.

I know.




11.28.07



Sunday, March 29, 2009

Shit I have and haven't done....

Bold is what I have done...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyworld/Disneyland...both actually
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped...not on your life
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (I am adopted, does that count?)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty(fuck no! I took the elevator like everyone else!)
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied …not anymore, though
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance …more than a few times, too!
47. Had your portrait painted by a well known artist, too!
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain.

53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving...no thanks, I don't have a death wish
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt...by hand during 6 months pregnancy bed rest....boring
73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job...quit many, though

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
…does fractured count?
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
…lobster, and it was gooooooood!!
88. Had chickenpox …at 16 and it sucked
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous …bumped into Robin Williams in SF at a toy store
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
two, even
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee


54 out of 99...not too bad

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Help, my husband has fallen and can't get up...

Well, he hasn't fallen but he did manage to throw his back out over the x-mas holiday.

No, not sex...you sickos, shoveling the fucking snow off our sidewalk. So, while your minds were in the gutter (at least mine was) he was literally in the gutter trying to keep our driveway and sidewalk clear. He didn't want any of the neighbor kids to slip and fall. The irony.

Now, he's always led me to believe he's the 'Man of Steel' but I'm starting to have my doubts. Maybe it's the hobbling around the house all hunched over like he's 80 instead of 41. Poor boy. I offered to get him a walker (tennis balls and all), but he promptly flipped me an obscene finger gesture. Guess the walker is out.

So, a week from Monday, I'm taking the old man to the Spinal Clinic in Seattle and hopefully they'll whip him back into shape. Literally.

So, sex is out for a little while, at least. I don't want to break the poor boy.